


A Chapter of Firsts

by savannahrunes



Category: Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: AU, Almost canon plot except not, Alternate Universe - No Shadowhunters, M/M, heronstairs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-03-08 05:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3197924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savannahrunes/pseuds/savannahrunes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will Herondale and Jem Carstairs have been friends since they were twelve. They have both encountered horrible things, but their friendship has proved to be a welcome distraction. Now they are seventeen, and things are rapidly changing between the two of them. And by some twist of fate, their complicated feelings for each other don't seem to be their biggest problem...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Time We Met

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! New story, finally. This is kind of something that I thought up like two days ago and the first chapter was surprisingly easy to write, so here we have it!
> 
> So this is set in a no-Shadowhunter-verse, which I figure is fairly self explanatory. The beginning plot is much the same, and this first chapter is essentially a rewrite of Will and Jem's meeting, but as the story evolves there will be lots more original content. It will vaguely follow the infernal devices plot, but i mean that in the loosest term possible. And of course, there is the small matter of heronstairs, which is one of my fave pairings so naturally this story revolves around Will and Jem (slowly) falling in love. It's set in the Victorian era, the same time period as tid, but no shadowhunters...
> 
> oops this a/n is long and probably confusing but whatever. Remember there's slash, so if you don't like, don't read
> 
> Be sure to leave a review!  
> oh and updates won't be regular, I don't want to pressure myself into doing that so i'm sorry. But hopefully I'll update soon
> 
> This story was featured on [ this video ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLp7F24AvP0). Check it out!  
> The same lovely person who made the above video also made me an awesome [ fanfiction trailer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g3Jm9H3DCK0) for this fic!! It's so good, so maybe if you like the story, check it out? Thanks :)

Will Herondale was twelve when his life changed forever.

He had been living at the Institute, the house in which the generous and extremely kind Charlotte and Henry Branwell has taken him in, for but a few months and had already settled into a routine:

 Annoy Jessamine, who was the other ward of the Branwells and who was a year or so older than Will with perfect blonde hair and a sickly sweet voice. She was so impossibly girly with her doll house and pink dresses, and so easy to make fun of, and Will knew that she despised him.

Annoy Charlotte, who Will secretly thought was amazing; she was clearly very intelligent and the head of the house, even though she was a woman. And though Will respected and admired her, he kept her from forming an attachment to him with the occasional rude comment and avoiding her as much as possible. He knew that Charlotte would never hate him but she would also never love him if he didn’t let himself get too close, and that was enough.

Annoy Henry, who spent all day in his laboratory tinkering around with his latest invention. Will kept Henry’s affection away by putting down his work every so often, laughing and ridiculing it. It pained Will every time he saw the enthusiastic light in Henry’s eyes flicker as Will mocked his latest breakthrough, as Will knew that Henry was a genius and he loved seeing his inventions really, but Will could take no chances.

Annoy the servants, such as Sophie, the girl with the scar across her face, or Agatha and Bridget, the cooks, or Thomas and Cecil. He liked all of them, yet he was often sarcastic and rude towards them, just in case.

All in all, Will annoyed a lot of people. And god, it was exhausting.

He hadn’t realised just how easily people formed attachments, which easily turned into some form of love. Keeping them at bay was the worst thing Will had ever had to do in his life. He’d thought that simply running away would solve the problem, but it was something that he had to do in everyday life even here in London, miles and miles away from his family.

But he would continue to push people away, to not let anyone get close. He’d do it for the rest of his life if he had to, even if he was beyond miserable. He wouldn’t let anyone else get hurt, not like Ella. And he was scared, so scared of that _thing,_ the blue-skinned creature that had cursed him to be like this. He had no idea what it was, no idea what it wanted. It was like something from a nightmare, something that Will had never even dreamed of existing. It had terrified him, and that fear was part of the reason that he would never allow anyone to love him.

He had ran away from home, from his loving family who he missed achingly, because of that fear. After, surprisingly, being taken under Charlotte and Henry’s wing, he distanced himself because of that fear. He had thought that fear would be the strongest emotion he would ever feel.

He had been painstakingly wrong about that fact.

When he had heard that a young boy of his age named James Carstairs would be joining him and Jessie at the Institute, he had such mixed feelings. In any other circumstances he would be delighted to be able to maybe make a new friend. But he knew that James would just be another person he would have to make dislike him. He hoped and prayed that James was dislikeable himself; that would make this whole thing so much easier.

Will was sitting in the training room the day that James was supposed to arrive. Charlotte had explained that he was an orphan from China, and she had known his father’s family so when she had heard about the situation James was in, she knew that they had to take him in. The training room was a bleak place with padded floors and a few wooden weapons in the corner. There were so many rooms in the labyrinthine Institute that it made sense to have a room solely for combat training. Will had only used it a handful of times, as there was no one willing to teach him any actual combat techniques, but it was a room without distraction, which was something he was in need of on this particular day. He needed something to take his mind off the new arrival.

There was another dull thud as another knife ricocheted off the target Will had set up and landed on the floor yet again. He wasn’t sure exactly what had inspired him to pick up knife throwing on that particular day, and he knew Charlotte wouldn’t approve as she would claim it to be ‘dangerous for a young boy such as him’ but he didn’t care. The frustration that accompanied being absolutely useless at it was somehow relaxing, as it took his mind off other things.

He picked up another knife, and flung it across the room with all his strength, only for it to miss the target by about a metre and clang against the floor. A cry of exasperation flew from his lips as he angrily went over to retrieve the damn thing, cursing under his breath as he moved across the room.

‘You know, you’re shockingly awful at throwing knives. It’s quite sad really.”

A smooth, musical voice had spoken from the door, a voice that Will had never heard before. It had the lilt of an accent, and if a voice could be beautiful, then his voice was. The melodic quality of it sent a shiver running down Will’s spine, unbidden and surprising. He froze in his tracks, and slowly turned to face the boy who that voice belonged to.

He was neither tall nor short for a twelve year old; Will suspected he would be taller but not by very much. He stood by the door, his very slender frame leaning slightly on the door post. The clothes he wore hung off his body in such a way that could not be entirely healthy, His hands were clasped in front of him with long fingers. Musician’s hands, Will thought immediately. Only musician’s hands were as refined as that. His hair was shockingly silver, throwing Will’s expectations of a dark haired Chinese boy out of the window. He did not know how such a shade could possibly be natural. He wouldn’t have believed it, until he saw his eyes. His eyes were impossibly light, silver lamps shining out to match his hair. Those eyes unnerved him, but in a thrilling sort of way. Mystery and sadness were wrapped around within them, and Will had never before been so captivated by someone’s eyes, or appearance in general for that matter. He had never seen someone like him, and he knew that he never would again. He was truly unique, in such a dazzling sort of way.

A smile tugged on the boy’s thin lips, a smile that lit up his entire face, morphing it from something that could so easily be sombre and haunting into something that was delightful, and maddeningly beautiful. Will found him wanting to study that smile for the rest of his life.

“You are William Herondale, I presume? Mrs Branwell told me I could find you in here, and I must admit I was impressed to hear that you trained in physical combat, though I must say I’m disappointed at you quite obvious lack of skill. Although it is rather amusing, I must admit.”

He spoke with a confidence that Will could not seem to associate with his almost sickly body. The boy looked like he should be in a hospital, not standing here chastising him about knife throwing.

And no one talked to Will like that. Will was not used to being teased, in fact he was used to being the one doing the teasing. He felt like the control of the conversation had already been snatched from him before he had even uttered a word. It was a new sensation to him.

Will put the knife down and strode over to him, trying to inject some confidence in his gait. First impressions count, after all. “I am indeed William Herondale, though most people call me Will. And you are James Carstairs? Charlotte told me of your arrival today. And I do not see why you are scolding me about the skill of knife throwing. You look so sick that I fear you would not even be able to pick up a knife, much less throw one.”

Sarcasm that verged upon rudeness was his friend, he knew it well. He had grown to master it within the months he had been staying here, and though he felt awful using it on this seemingly innocent boy with the mysterious colouring, he knew that he had to lest James actually started liking him.

James dropped his smile, seriousness taking over his whole physique. He was still so striking, though Will found himself missing the smile. Just as he thought this, James walked over to him, his strides confident of not a bit weak. There was no denying that the young boy before him was ill, though in what way Will could not decipher.

James stopped when he was facing Will, close enough to touch. He found himself resisting the urge  to reach out and touch James’s face, which was extremely peculiar and he had never had an urge of that sort ever before, which sent butterflies swirling in the pit of Will’s stomach. Then James reached out and plucked the knife out of Will’s unresisting hands, weighing it up in his beautifully dexterous hands. Without warning the knife was flashing across the room, and with a deadly accuracy it embedded itself in the heart of Will’s target, dead centre.

He couldn’t help himself: he gulped and stood staring at this silver mystery of a boy. He wouldn’t have been surprised if his mouth had been open.

Looking annoyingly smug, James turned back to him. “Do not presume to know anything about me just yet, Will. It seems that just because I am obviously sick in some way, I am completely disabled in your eyes. Which is so clearly untrue.” He took another knife from beside Will’s feet and hurled it at the target again, landing it virtually on top of the first, as if to prove a point. This, unfortunately, only made Will like him more.

“I’m sorry,” Will found himself whispering, words which he had not been intending to speak. The tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them, and they certainly weren’t helping his seemingly futile attempts at unnerving or annoying the other boy. What was he doing? But he could not think of anything to say that would heckle James, so he found himself continuing. “You are sick? I did not know, not really.”

James looked down, sadness and pain clouding over his eyes. “It is not something that is easy to speak of; I am not surprised you were not told of it.”

“Will you tell me? Is it the reason for your hair, and your eyes? They are of the most extraordinary shade…” His voice was much more eager than he wanted it to be. He wanted to sound cool, and indifferent, almost cruel, but it came out as caring and sympathetic. Sometimes you just couldn’t hide your true intentions.

James hesitated, and then let out a breath before saying quietly, in that tuneful voice of his, “The man who killed my family, Yanluo, he was evil beyond words. Thinking about him, it sends my blood boiling. He…he murdered my mother and father in our house in Shanghai, but he did not kill me. He did something much crueller.”

James paused, gauging Will’s reaction to is story so far, but Will managed to keep his face stony. His eyes were sad though, he knew they were. He couldn’t control that sadness from washing over him.

“Instead of killing me that night, Yanluo poisoned me. There is an ancient Chinese drug, _yin fen,_ a silvery substance that he forced down my throat. It was the most painful thing I have ever endured, and the aftereffects of it will haunt me for the rest of my life. _Yin fen_ is an addictive drug, you see, much like opium or other drugs. And though I hate the sight of it, though the sickly sweet smell disgusts me to my very core, I cannot live without it. I would die if I did not take it, and yet by taking it, I am dying anyway. It is a slow, painful torture, one that I must face.”

The words seemed to strike Will at his very core; he could not move or think beyond the wave of sorrow and rage that washed over him. How could this boy, so young like him, be affected by such sadness? He had been sitting in here moping about his unfortunate curse, but he knew that James’s was much, much worse. The steely look in his eyes as he’d talked about it, as though he’d already accepted his cruel fate, almost physically pained Will. Something like this should not be allowed to happen; it was simply unfair that James should have been orphaned and then left to die an excruciatingly slow death, addicted to substance he hated.

Will swallowed. “That shouldn’t have happened to you, James. It’s not right.”

James looked surprised. “People don’t usually say that to me. Mostly they say ‘I’m sorry’.”

“Would you have preferred it if I’d apologised, even though there’s not really anything for me to apologise for?”

And then James’s smile came back, and it pervaded through the sadness on his face, and, ridiculously, Will felt a little hopeful for this boy. He wasn’t dead yet after all.

“No. In fact, it would’ve put my opinions of you far below par. As it is, you’ve only raised my liking towards you.”

Will grinned, and then caught himself. He liked this boy, already, he could tell from this short conversation that they would get along swimmingly. And Will had been so lonely, since running from the only people who loved him into this strange city. All he wanted was a friend.

 _He could be your friend,_ a treacherous voice within his head whispered. _He’s dying anyway, you curse wouldn’t affect him, not really. You could let him get close. He’s the_ only _person you can let get close._

Will wanted to listen to this voice _so_ badly. He had resigned himself to a life of annoying people, of distancing himself from everyone so they would not get hurt. And yet this silver-haired boy had waltzed in with a sad story, and now Will had the opportunity to have a friend again.

It would be so selfish though, to allow James to get close to him. He knew the risks, he knew that he would be a bad person in doing this.

“Do you think you could teach me? How to throw knives, that is, not how to take _yin fen._ You’re quite extraordinary at it.”

Will was too selfish. He always had been.

A blush crept in through James’s pale face, injecting life into those cold cheeks. He was clearly a modest person, not used to being complimented. Will was used to the compliments flowing to him freely, half of them from himself but still.

“Only if we can train here together. And be friends. I’m not used to having friends of my own age.”

There was clearly more to James’s story than he was letting on. But now was not the time to pry.

Will stuck out his hand. “It would be my pleasure, James Carstairs. I have a feeling we’re going to be the best of friends.”

James reached out and took Will’s hand, his hand surprisingly warm within his own. He didn’t know why he’d expected it to be cold, maybe as an aftereffect of dying, but he reminded himself that whilst James was ill, he was more alive than ever.

“Me too.” He shook will’s hand, firmly and confidently. “Oh, and you may call me Jem. It is the name I have always preferred for myself.”

Will’s blue eyes were twinkling. “Jem it is. Will and Jem. It works, doesn’t it?”

Jem nodded. “I like it. Will and Jem…”

 


	2. The First Time We Said 'I Love You'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! This chapter kind of ran away with me; I thought of the cute Mandarin session thing and then all of a sudden it was over 3,000 words, and not much really happens at all oops. But this really sets the scene, and begins the confused feeling and romance between Will and Jem, so I guess it's important, and I enjoyed writing it, so I hope you enjoy reading it. Let me know what you think!

It had been around five years since that first meeting between Will and Jem, and they got along better than Will had ever expected.

Since meeting Jem, Will had been inexplicably _lighter;_ he finally had someone to talk to, someone to laugh with. The only people he had ever been close to like this before were his sisters, and Jem was nothing like either of them. Jem was simply Jem, an indeterminable mystery that had captivated Will and would not let go. Their friendship was magical, and being around Jem, well it made him a better person. Whilst he had to continue pushing the other residents of the Institute away, he could let Jem get close. He could allow himself to be honest and fun and real with Jem, qualities that he daren’t show in front of anyone else.

As they grew up, from awkward young teenagers into blooming young men, their friendship had grown up with them. From mischievous to mature, Jem and Will had grown and shaped each other in ways that neither really understood. Will was so grateful for Jem’s company, and even though he felt guilty every time Jem coughed, wondered if he was dying even quicker because of Will, he couldn’t stop being friends with Jem, couldn’t stop loving Jem. Jem was the brother he’d never had, the best friend he’s never known he’d needed.

When Will found himself feeling glum, when the wretchedness that accompanied his stupid curse occasionally crept up on him, Jem’s smiling face and glinting silver eyes were there to take it away, because he was allowed to love him, and Jem was allowed to love him back. It was the one small consolation he got. Jem could always life the sadness from his inky, blue eyes.

And when Jem became weak and dizzy after a long period of time without his _yin fen,_ it was Will that he reached out towards, gripping his hand like a life line. Which in itself was darkly ironic. But Will was always there to squeeze Jem’s hand in return, to whisper soft things at him in hushed tone because he needed Jem to live another day, because Jem deserved to live another day. Will had never met anyone as inherently good as Jem, and Will would do anything to reverse their places, because he knew that Jem was undeniably a better person than him. Will was always the one to get them into trouble, and Jem was the one who got them out of it. That was how their friendship seemed to work. A push and pull, give and take.

There was no one in the world he would ever trust more than Jem. Jem was all he had now, and he was so happy to have him. He couldn’t envision how he would cope without him. He had grown accustomed to everything about Jem, from his strange silver hair to his melodic laugh to his knowing, shiny eyes. And Will let Jem know him intimately too. He trusted Jem with his life, and he knew that Jem trusted him too.

Jem made his life at the Institute more bearable. Jessamine continued to consistently dislike him, and whilst he knew that Charlotte and Henry did not love him, thankfully, he knew that he was altogether more tolerable in Jem’s presence. He brought out the best in Will, without even realising it half the time.

They were seventeen now, clutching onto the edges of manhood. Will could map out the changes in Jem’s appearance over the years: he had grown tall, taller than Will, though only slightly, and he was still very slender, but he was not too thin. His face had become more mature as he had gone through puberty, and he was now a painstakingly beautiful young man.

His hands never changed though, remaining the musician’s hands Will had always known them to be. 

* * *

 

 Since the first time Jem had seen those inky, blue eyes, he knew that this boy in front of him would be something different. It was his utter determination that drew Jem towards him; the way that he had refused to give up throwing knives at the target, even though he clearly didn’t know how to do it properly and was failing abysmally at teaching himself. He hadn’t given up, and that had sparked an odd sense of admiration in Jem, and something else, a funny sort of feeling that panged through his body and that Jem couldn’t quite name.

He and Will had grown awfully close over the last five years, and Jem felt so guilty for letting Will get that close to him. He knew that it would only make his inevitable death that much more painful for Will, but once he had become friends with him he just couldn’t stop, he was far too weak to give something as good as this up. Will was his best friend, which was a new and altogether exciting sensation.

Jem was wandering around the maze-like Institute, his footsteps clacking on the polished floor. Being alone was weird now; he was so used to having Will’s laughing voice just a few steps behind him that when he was alone it was like a part of him was missing.

He abruptly turned a corner, lost to his thoughts of Will, and the shade of Will’s eyes, and the curve of Will’s mouth when he smiled, and promptly nearly knocked Sophie the maid over.

“Jem!” she exclaimed as she stumbled backwards, nearly tripping over her skirt. She was obviously a bit flustered, and her scarred face blushed scarlet. “I should’ve seen you coming. I’m sorry.”

“Nonsense, it was my fault, I was lost in my own little world.”

He paused slightly, because he knew that Sophie, not unusually, didn’t like nor care for Will that much. Jem had always found it strange that Will was always so real and funny and amicable with him, yet blunt, almost verging on cruel with other people. It pained him that no one else seemed to see the goodness that Jem saw shining out of the other boy; instead they only saw his darkest corners. If Will was himself around everyone else, maybe they would love him like Jem did. As it was though, they either did not know him or had reason to dislike him.

“Say, Sophie, you don’t happen to know where Will is?” he asked hesitantly, knowing that Sophie was one of the people who Will particularly didn’t get along with.

A look of ill-hidden yet fleeting distaste danced across Sophie’s features, before she said, sighing, “He’s in the library. Again. Probably burying his head in some gothic novel again, shutting out everything important.”

That certainly sounded like Will. When things got the slightest bit difficult, Will lost himself in books, it was his escape, just as playing the violin was Jem’s.

“Thank you,” he murmured to Sophie, and began to make hi way to the library.

It was truly an extraordinary room, a cavernous expanse filled with shelf upon shelf crammed with countless books, from contemporary novels to books that were so old they looked as if they would crumble upon touch. Jem could understand what attracted Will to this place so much; the smell of the pages of books hung in the air, and there was an endless amount of possibilities to choose upon entering.

He found Will in his favourite corner, a stack of books piled on the floor next to where he lay, his feet on the chair in front of him, but his back on the floor. Will often took to reading in the strangest of positions, which shifted constantly as the events of the books unravelled. One time Jem had walked in to find him with his feet dangling out of the window, another time he had been upside down, dangling off one of the ladders in the library, though admittedly that position hadn’t lasted very long after he nearly fell when Jem had spoken his name.

The expression on Will’s face as his eyes darted across the page, living some adventure or heart break or joke through the characters was something that would never cease to fascinate Jem. He seemed so serene, even when he was agitated or when there were tears in his eyes. His deep, blue eyes were unseeing lost to all the world apart from the one he was living in at that moment. He was so expressive when he was reading in a way that he rarely was usually, and just seeing him made Jem grin for some reason, and it made his heart beat kind of funnily.

“William,” Jem whispered, almost hesitant to break him out of his trance. Will tilted his head away from the book, so he was looking at Jem upside down from the floor. His face broke out into a smile, the smile that Jem was so familiar with, and Jem’ heart leapt.

“James. You look funny.”

Jem sighed. “That is probably because you are viewing me upside down. I’m sure that position can’t be comfortable, or particularly good for you.”

The grin on Will’s face only widened as he got up, his good mood seemingly etched across his face. “I barely even noticed it, to be honest. I just ended up in this position; I was too absorbed with the book.”

Will’s good mood was apparently infectious, because Jem found his spirits lifting, and a small smile spread across his face. “I know. Is it a good book?”

“It is a book that is filled with beautiful imagery, and love and it has lifted my spirits, which you can probably tell. Being broody and elusive is so _dull_ sometimes, Jem. Being optimistic is much more enjoyable.”

“This is most odd of you. What have you done with my dear friend Will, since you are clearly some monster impersonating him. He would never be this jovial.”

Will clutched his chest in a mocking gesture. “Oh you wound me, James Carstairs. Am I really seen as a moody person?”

Jem smiled. He smiled so much around Will. “I think that it is because, despite the fact that I’m dying, I am so nice to people, and you are, well, an acquired taste. I simply outshine you in terms of good moods.”

Despite the jokey tone in Jem’s voice, Will’s smile froze, and he turned away ever so slightly, his eyes downcast. “You’re not dying, Jem. You can’t just say that.”

Will’s tone of voice was so heart-breaking, and a lump formed in Jem’s throat, but he knew what he had to say. “Yes I am, Will. I’m dying, and there’s nothing either of us can do about it, so we may as well get used to talking about it, because otherwise it will be so much harder. For me as well as you.”

“Saying that you are dying denotes that you’ve given up. And I don’t think I would be able to bear it if you gave up.”

Jem leant down and touched Will’s arm, trying to be casual but sometimes he just needed to touch Will. Will was Jem’s anchor, in so many different ways, many of which Jem couldn’t even begin to describe. He looked up at Jem, his iridescent eyes full of pain.

“I’m not giving up, Will, I promise I never will. It’s just that I’ve accepted the likely outcome. It doesn’t mean that I have to like it, or that I won’t fight for every day that I’m still here.”

There was a long silence, like a held breath. The room was thrumming with unspoken tension, and then Jem noticed he was still touching Will’s arm, and Will seemed to notice too, and the tension shifted into something else. He knew he should move his hand away, but fingers moved of their own accord and then they were cupping Will’s cheek, and Will’s skin was so warm underneath his. The effect on Jem was startling: his heart stuttered in his chest like crazy and his thoughts were racing yet he was frozen.

Pink coloured Will’s pale cheeks, and finally the atmosphere in the room seemed to snap; Will pulled away from Jem’s hand and Jem blushed and took a couple of steps away, opening his mouth to say something, to blurt out some excuse. Will beat him to it though, and his smile was back. The weirdness of the moment seemed to be over, and Will was Will and Jem was Jem and everything was just fine.

 “Will you give me another Mandarin lesson, Jem? I’ve been practising. And hopefully my good mood will make a somewhat less insufferable student.” Will had always been good at changing the subject, turning a serious conversation into something trivial.

“Some things just can’t be changed, William,” he said, letting Will know that he was welcome of the change of subject. There was a weird feeling bubbling around inside of Jem, and he wanted any distraction from it.

“Does that mean yes?” There was mischief behind those blue eyes, and Jem forgot any awkwardness, because he was lost in those eyes again.

“Have I ever said no?”

* * *

Jem had first began to teach Will Mandarin when they were about fourteen, but it was very sporadic; something to do when both of them were bored. Will had tried to teach him Welsh, but Jem had found that he’s had no taking for the language whatsoever, and Will laughed at his pronunciation so much that they’d given up. But Will had always been more intrigued by Mandarin, and he knew that it was Jem’s first language, the language he spoke for most of his childhood, and he wanted to share that with Jem.

Their lessons had been becoming more frequent, as Will’s fluency began to increase, he began to genuinely enjoy the lessons more, and Jem was more than happy to teach him. Because he had no one else to speak it with, whenever he said something in Mandarin that Will understood, he felt like they were sharing their own private moment, something that no one else could share. It felt personal, and when Will spoke to him in the language of his childhood, he couldn’t pretend that it didn’t thrill him.

Their current lesson was going well, though Jem was running out of ways to teach Will. He was no teacher after all, and he didn’t really know what the natural progression for learning a language. He had taken to simply asking Will what words he’d like to learn.

“What would you like to learn today? We’ve covered so many random topics, I can’t predict what will be next.” There was a smile in Jem’s voice; he loved the fact that Will was so utterly unpredictable like this. They’d spent their last lesson learning various words for breakfast items, and the time before complex grammatical structures.

Will grinned. “Flirtations, my dear James.”

“How did I know this was going to come up sooner or later?” he said, shaking his head. “You’re such a player, Will.”

“On the contrary, I think the word you’re looking for is debonair.”

  _“Ni hen piao liang.”_

The tone of his voice had betrayed him. He had meant to wound witty, and to continue with the light-hearted jokes that the conversation had been made up of, but instead it sounded like he was saying something serious and full of meaning. There was a weight to his words that he didn’t really understand, and Jem’s voice felt thick after saying it.

Will must have sensed the shift, because there was not a hint of banter in his voice as he said, “What does that mean?”

Jem couldn’t manage more than a whisper.

“It means ‘You are beautiful’.”

He wasn’t sure why saying innocent phrases like this was so nerve-wracking for Jem. He wasn’t even saying the words _to_ Will, merely teaching him the words so that he could use them to woo various girls.

And yet he was embarrassed and very inappropriately overcome with the desire to say these things to Will properly, because it was true. He _did_ think Will was beautiful, but perhaps not in a romantic way. It was perfectly normal to recognise that your friend was attractive, even if they were of the same gender.

Wasn’t it?

Will looked down, and then back at Jem. “Well, that’s certainly a useful phrase then,” he murmured, softly. It felt as if both of them were walking on ice, not really sure where to tread next.

They continued like this for a while, each time Jem said something that he tried to make sound effortless, but each time he said romantic words to Will, even though he wasn’t saying them to him in that way, his voice hitched without him meaning for it too, and he almost stuttered. He couldn’t seem to raise his voice to more than a whisper, and Will’s voice was soft too. Jem, who knew Will better than anyone, all of a sudden couldn’t read him at all. It was altogether unnerving, the whole situation.

The worlds tumbled out of Jem’s mouth before he could stop them. “Wo ai ni.”

They were the most confident words Jem had spoken since the whole ordeal had started, which startled him. He knew that the words were the truth: he loved Will more than anyone, but he’d never said that. He’d just assumed that Will knew how he felt, the way that he knew that Will loved him. They were best friends, of course they loved each other.

But saying them made it real, and all of a sudden Jem wasn’t sure exactly how he loved Will. Love like this was something that he couldn’t quite wrap his head around.

“Wo ai ni?” His voice was quiet, and so familiar yet so distant.

“I love you.” He was so very nearly tempted to say Will at the end, to address the words to him, but he stopped himself and pushed down the urge, unsure how Will would react.

Then Will did something that Jem will never forget: he reached over so his hand was on top of Jem’s and said, without any tentativeness, “Wo ai ni, James.”

Jem’s breath caught in his throat, and that feeling was back in the room again, unidentifiable and infuriating, yet exciting at the same time. He could hear his heart pudding in his chest, and could feel Will’s stuttering pulse from their small contact.

“Wo ye ai ni, William.” I love you too.

The feeling was electrifying, and all of a sudden their hands weren’t enough; Jem wanted to touch Will all over, to feel his hot skin against his. The thought brought heat flooding to his cheeks, and he pushed it down into the deep crevices of his mind. He couldn’t afford to even think things like that.

It was Jem who finally pulled away, casting his eyes downwards after what seemed like an eternity of stillness, of Will’s violet eyes meeting his silver ones.

The words that were finally spoken, and the words that were still left unspoken, lingered in the room and the two boys. The dynamics of their relationship had changed, and they both knew it, but neither of them wanted to face it just yet.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

 

 

 


	3. The First Time Will Met Tessa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I'm terribly sorry for the huge delay between the last chapters. I was so busy with school work, and this chapter was so plot orientated and there isn't much heronstairs (i'm so sorry about that) so yeah i'm sorry. I apologise that this chapter seems to be more wessa than heronstairs, I assure you that that will all change but Tessa still hasn't met Jem...  
> Please leave a comment I'll love you forever

Tessa Gray was not having a good day.

After arriving in London, only to be kidnapped by a couple of crazy old ladies who kept going on about ‘her power’ and ‘the Magister’, she was understandably fairly annoyed and confused. When Mrs Dark and Mrs Black had made her change into someone else, when they had somehow unlocked some power within herself, she had been terrified. She still was. She had no idea what it all meant, why they kept giving her things and making her change her appearance in a way she couldn’t understand. What was wrong with her? Why could she do this? Was it magic? Or something altogether more sinister?

More than anything, she yearned to see Nate again. When the Sisters had shown her his ring, splattered with blood, her heart had dropped. The awful fact that they had Nate as a prisoner somewhere, that they could be hurting him, made her feel sick to her stomach. She would comply because she knew that her brother was at risk, and she wouldn’t want her unusual abilities to be the cause of more pain to him. It didn’t mean she had to like this anymore. She was constantly worrying, and she worried so much that she had been helplessly writing letters, letting out all her mixed and muddled feelings out to Nate, in the only way she could.

The Dark Sisters only got more and more brutal though. Turning into fragile, fourteen year old Emma Bayliss had been horrible, knowing that this young girl whose face Tessa was wearing was dead. But the worst part was when they mentioned that she was to be the Magister’s bride. That was when she felt a violent hatred towards these sisters well up from within her.

Trying to run away was admittedly not Tessa’s greatest idea, but she would do it again. She would fight and fight, and she _would_ get out of here. She refused to give up, even as she lay humiliated tied to the bed, her only company the rope cutting through her wrists and her sense of self depreciation.

Having lain on the bed doing nothing for a while, the humiliation only served to increase. The only thing she could do now was think: she couldn’t even write her letters to Nate like she usually would in this desperate situation. Eventually, after far too long, an idea formed, which turned into a plan, which turned into action.

After spending so long lying on the bed helpless, just moving felt liberating. She concentrated, and her heart lurched as she felt her body change into that of Emma Bayliss. She became smaller, and her wrists thinner, and she felt the chains which held her slip away.

She sat up and quickly turned back into herself, still unnerved by her apparent ability. Now that she was free of the chains, she had to think of a way to truly escape before the sisters returned. But before she truly had the chance to think, there was a noise from outside the door. On an instinct, she grabbed the vase from the desk and hid behind the door, her heart thudding too loudly in her ears and her palms sweaty.

The door opened, letting light in from the corridor outside, and Tessa flung her vase at the intruder, hitting them as hard as she could on the head.

“ _Ow,”_ came a surprised voice, an unmistakably male voice. He turned around to face Tessa, rubbing the back of his head where she had hit him. He was young, about her age, and had dark hair and the most striking blue eyes she had ever seen.

“Who are you?”

* * *

 

 Will needed some air.

Things had shifted in a way that Will couldn’t describe between him and Jem since that Mandarin session. On the surface, they were still the best of friends, they still did everything together, but there was an underlying tension between the two of them. Seeing Jem made his heart speed up irrationally, made a blush threaten to creep into his cheeks. What it all meant, Will had no idea, but it made his head spin.

Jem had felt ill today, and Will had stayed with him until he fell asleep, despite Jem’s protests. He had held his hand, which was clammy and warm, until he was deeply asleep, and Will began to drift as he sat in the chair by Jem’s bed.

Jem shuffled around in his bed, muttering something under his breath. Curious, Will leant forward, wondering what Jem was dreaming about. Most of it was incomprehensible, until one word. Just one word and Will was sent into a frenzy.

“ _Will…”_ Jem breathed, a smile of sheer happiness on his face.

Will wasn’t sure why the fact that Jem was dreaming about his unnerved him so much, but it did. A mix of emotions came rushing at him, and he couldn’t keep them back. What did it all mean?

All of a sudden the calm of the bedroom, of _Jem’s_ bedroom, felt claustrophobic, and Will stumbled out, needing fresh air and time for his head to clear and his heart to stop beating so quickly.

And so that was how he found himself wandering around London at such an odd hour, looking for nothing but escape from the terrifying strength of his own emotions. He certainly wasn’t expected to find anything as odd as the sign etched on the door of the creepy house that he was passing.

The symbol was carved into the wooden door, two snakes trying to eat each other’s tails. Will wasn’t sure why the sight of it intrigued him, but there was something about it that had a magical aura. Something about the house was pulling him in, a sense of adventure. For some unknown reason, Will found himself trying the door.

Predictably, it was locked, but Will walked round the back of the house on a whim, and found that whilst the back door was locked too, there was a window that was open just a crack, and Will managed to open it enough that he could get in.

Something seemed to be pulling him along as he walked silently up the stairs, the eeriness of the house discomforting him. It seemed that the house was shrouded in silence and mystery, and that symbol was everywhere, making the curiosity burn brighter within him.

He came to a door through which he could hear the sounds of movement. Things went silent, and Will knew that he could be making the worst decision of his life by turning the key that had been left in the lock and opening the door, but something made him do it. Some force beyond him seemed to be moving his body without his consent, and before he knew it he had opened the door and stepped in, only to be met with a thud and a sharp pain on the back of his head.

“ _Ow,”_ he exclaimed, unsure of what else to say. The attack didn’t seem to be particularly practiced, clumsy even. Oh god, he’s just intruded on some poor person’s home, breaking in with no real cause. They probably thought he was a burglar, or a murderer, and had every right to attack him. What on Earth had he done?

Turning around ready to be reprimanded and sent to jail, guilt swirling in his stomach, he expected to find anyone other than the pretty young girl holding a vase in her hand. Her brown hair rolled down her back in waves, and her huge grey eyes filled with fear and trepidation. She couldn’t have been any older than Will, and she wore a plain dress with angry red marks on her wrists and her bare ankles.

“Who are you?” she asked, her voice thick with an American accent. She did not seem scared of him, but wary. “Are you the Magister?”

Will was confused. What was she talking about? “Magister? Isn’t that Latin for something…? Teacher or something. Whilst I’ve been called many things, the Magister certainly isn’t one of them. Are you not going to shout at me for breaking into your house?” Will had always been far too blunt.

The girl looked confused. “This isn’t my house. I’m being held captive here…”

The shock that filled Will didn’t go unnoticed by her. He knew that there was something weird about the house, but not that someone had been kidnapped and was being held here. “Where are your captors? Have they hurt you?” he asked, reaching out to touch the girl’s arm without thinking. She did not withdraw from the contact.

“I don’t know where they are. They could be back any minute. They haven’t hurt me properly though; the worst thing they did was tie me to the bed after I tried running away,” she said softly, looking at the bundle of ropes that lay abandoned on the bed.

Seeing this young girl in such a horrible situation, of being captured and held here spurred Will into action. “Miss, may I know your name? I am William Herondale, though you may call me Will. I want to help you escape, for no one should have to live in captivity like this.”

“I am Tessa Gray. And I’ll have you know that I was perfectly capable of escaping myself.”  There was fire in her eyes and she seemed like a girl who would take no nonsense.

“Of course. Since the last time you tried you ended up tied to the bed.”

She blushed, a faint colouring on her creamy cheeks. “Oh do be quiet. If you insist on helping, then I won’t stop you. We must be quiet, and be wary of Miranda, the servant girl who usually keeps watch. The two women who kidnapped me are two sisters called the Dark Sisters, and they are impossible to miss. I have no clue which other staff they have. How did you get in?”

“Through an open window. I don’t think your captors were too concerned about safety since they assumed you would never make it out of this room.”

“Lead the way then, Mister Herondale.”

Will shot a grin back at her. “I told you, call me Will.”

* * *

The house was dead as Tessa and Will crept through it, down the stairs and through the dark rooms that Will had seen on his way in. It almost seemed too easy. Just as they reached the window, Will heard a scratching noise from above him, and he froze. “What is it?” whispered Tessa.

“I thought I heard something. We must hurry.”

He let Tessa go through first, hoisting her up. He managed to get out too, and shut the window behind him. Tessa seemed to be marvelling at the cool, night air, the smile on her face unhidden. They walked out of the garden and down the road, getting as far away from that house as they could. When they were about two blocks over, they stopped on the corner of two streets.

“I thought I’d never get out of there. They were planning on marrying me off to someone who they called the Magister. I thought I’d have to spend the rest of my life trapped in their clutches.”

The gratitude behind the words was unbidden, and Will was so happy that he’d managed to help this girl, to free her from those wicked people.

“Miss Gray—”

“Tessa,” she interrupted.

“Tessa,” he corrected, “do you have any place to stay. I assume you are American, and I wonder if you have anywhere in London to call home.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. “I came to England to meet my brother, but they have him. I have nowhere, I just need to find Nate.”

The heartbreak in her voice was so strong, and Will was reminded of his sisters, and what it was like to lose them. “Come with me. I know somewhere safe you can stay, and we can sort this mess out, okay?”

She nodded, wiping the few tears that had spilled from her eyes as she followed Will all the way to the Institute.

“Do you really live here? It’s like a palace…”

Will smiled. “The kind family who lives here has a habit of picking up wards. Charlotte and Henry Branwell own the house, but I and two other young people have grown up here. I’m forever thankful for their charity; I’d likely be dead on the streets somewhere if it wasn’t for them. I’m sure you’ll find them to be entirely hospitable towards you. Come inside and get comfortable, and I’ll let Charlotte know you’re here.”

She nodded, and Will led her inside, showing her somewhere she could sit and asking Sophie if she could make her feel welcome as he went off to get Charlotte. He had never shown such kindness for a stranger, and he knew that it was dangerous, but once he knew that Tessa was safe he could employ his usual strategy of making people dislike him. He was not as mean as to leave her in that house, or to leave her crying on the streets. He knew it would be hard but it was worth the risk.

After explaining the situation to Charlotte, she said that she would talk to Tessa, and told him that he should go to bed. He was welcome to stay in Jem’s room if he wanted, but when Charlotte mentioned him all the funny feeling from earlier seemed to resurface, and Will decided he would sleep in his own room that night.

* * *

 

There was a gathering of everyone the next day, and Tessa was so nervous. All the people at the Institute had been so nice to her the night before, finding her a bed to stay in and giving her new clothes and food. But she had no idea how they were going to react when they heard the whole story, about her powers and what that meant. Would they call the police and be off with her? She couldn’t know, and had no idea what she would do if she was in their position.

They met in the drawing room, all the inhabitants of the Institute assembled for her to see. She recognised Will, of course, how could she forget? His eyes were just as brilliant in the light, and his dark hair was swept across his forehead. She smiled at him, but he only scowled in return, the kindness he had displayed last night seemingly vanished. Then there was Charlotte, who was petite yet commanding, with her brown hair in a plait, and sitting beside her must have been her husband, Henry. He had shocking red hair and a dreamy look in his eyes, his hands fiddling with his shirt. On the couch opposite them was a very pretty young blonde girl, with a perfect heart-shaped face and rosy cheeks, her beauty only tainted by her scowl. She was sure Will had mentioned that the Branwells had three young wards, but felt like this may not be the time to bring that up.

“Good morning, Tessa. I trust you slept well?” Charlotte’s voice was bright, yet full of concern.

“Yes I did, thank you Mrs Branwell. I know that last night I asked you not to fetch for the police, even though I was kidnapped, and I’m thankful for your patience. I feel like I should tell all of you the whole story, for you have shown nothing but kindness towards me, and whether you choose to believe me or not is your choice, but I speak the truth.

The Dark Sisters took me from the boat I arrived in, claiming to have been sent by my brother. However tis soon turned out to not be true, and they kidnapped me and claimed that they have my brother as a hostage, showing me a bloodied ring of his. They said if I did not cooperate, they would kill him. So, of course, I did what they told me, though I thought it was a load of rubbish at first. They were asking me to change, giving me items belonging to various people and telling me to turn into them. I thought that they were mad old ladies, and that I would be stuck in this house with these lunatics for the rest of life.

But then one day, I changed. I can’t explain how it happened, but I used the object that they had given me, and I _became_ that person. I looked like them, I spoke like them and I had their memories. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever experienced, and I’ve no clue how I can do it, I just can. The sisters taught me how; it turns out that they weren’t as crazy as I had thought. Then they started mentioning a mysterious figure called the Magister, and how they were working to train me under his orders. I was so freaked out, and when they said that I was to be the Magister’s bride, I got so panicked and tried to run away, which resulted in me being tied to my bed. I managed to get out, and then Will found me, and we got away. I would desperately appreciate it if you didn’t tell the police; they would have me locked up somewhere in a mental asylum and I can’t do that, I need to find my brother…”

The shocked atmosphere in the room did nothing to comfort Tessa. In fact, it only made her surer that this whole thing was a bad idea.

But then Will spoke.

“You’re like something straight out of a book, aren’t you Tessa?”

Tessa couldn’t help but blush. “So you believe me?”

Will smiled looked around the room, at the faces of the others. It was Charlotte who spoke next. “I know that I do. And I want to help you find your brother.”

“The possibilities that accompany this! Does this mean magic exists?” said Henry excitedly.

The blonde girl remained unimpressed. “I won’t believe you until you prove it.”

“Jessamine,” scolded Charlotte, but Jessamine gave her a stormy look, and Tessa knew that if she was going to earn her respect at the very least, she was going to have to prove she wasn’t completely crazy.

“Do you have something of yours? Small, like a ring or something.”

Warily, Jessamine took of her golden ring, and gave it to Tessa. “Be sure to give it back,” she hissed distrustfully.

Tessa took the ring, and she used it to _see_ Jessamine, to see her essence and mould her form into it. When she opened her eyes, she was looking through the eyes of the blonde.

There was an audible gasp, and that was when she knew that they all believed her. The wariness never left Jessamine’s eyes, but Tessa didn’t care.

All she could see in Will’s eyes was wonder, carefully guarded but wonder nevertheless


	4. The First Time Jem Met Tessa

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This chapter is a little shorter than the others, but I want to get it out so I can start working on the next one (which has some exciting heronstairs development).  
> It's a bit of a filler chapter I'm sorry, but at least Will and Jem are finally coming to terms with their feelings!   
> Please read and leave a comment <3

The rest of the day was completely hectic, with everyone fawning over Tessa, asking her questions upon questions, and figuring out what they were going to do. In the end it was decided that she would remain at the Institute, and they would all help her in any way they could to find her brother.

The inhabitants of the Institute were all smart and resourceful, and even though they were not used to this kind of investigative work, they all were happy to do it. Jessamine sat in the corner looking miserable, but even she pitched in a thing or two. It was Will’s recollection of the symbol he had seen that got them started. They found out it was called a double ouroborous, and had meaning in some magic circles. This seemed to be a good sign, and Tessa was thrilled that they were making some progress. Henry and Charlotte said that they would investigate this ‘Magister’ and see if they could determine who he was.

The only thing missing was Jem. He had been in his room all day again, and Will missed having him around desperately. Jem always made everything more bearable, and infinite times better.

Talking to Tessa was certainly interesting; she was clearly a very intelligent young girl, and when she revealed she was an avid reader, Will could see that they were very much alike. If things were different, Will could easily see himself pining after her, loving her, and yet it wasn’t just his blasted curse that was stopping him. There was something else too, and Will didn’t really want to face what that might be.

After the day was over though, Will was glad to spend some time with his best friend.

He walked into Jem’s room to find him standing up, looking much better than when Will had last seen him. He turned towards Will as he shut the door, and smiled, and it was so infectious that Will couldn’t help but smile back.

“I hear there’s been quite the commotion going on in the Institute today. Something about you going out in the middle of the night and coming back with a pretty young girl with apparent magic powers. What on Earth have you gotten yourself into this time, Will?”

And so Will found himself recounting the whole tale to Jem, minus the reason why he had left in the first place. They had gravitated towards the bed whilst Will was talking, and by the time he had finished, the two of them sitting side by side on Jem’s bed.

“That sounds remarkable. She can actually change herself into someone else?”

“It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes. I’m sure you’ll like Tessa, she seems like a great girl. And who knows what other magic we may find along the way.”

Jem grinned slyly. “You talk of Tessa very highly. Do you happen to fancy her?” There was mischief and laughter behind his voice.

Will sputtered and went red, which only caused Jem to laugh sweetly, and as he did Will noted that if he were to fancy anyone, it would be Jem. _Wait, what? Where did that come from?_ Perhaps he was blushing for an entirely different reason.

“What…? No of course not… I mean she’s a lovely girl but…”

Jem clearly thought he had Will sussed, because he laughed again. Was there sadness behind that laugh? There was definitely something.

“You obviously like her, Will.”

“No, James, I don’t.” He was defiant and clear, and it cut Jem short.

There was a moment of silence, and that feeling was back, the feeling of immeasurable tension and of unspoken words. Will could do nothing but look into the silvery expanse of Jem’s eyes, he was held there by forces beyond him. All he could think was that Jem was so perfect, and all he wanted to do in that moment was to close the small gap between them. In an explosion in his head, Will saw himself leaning over, and he imagined what it would be like to feel Jem’s hair, to touch him and hold him and to kiss him. Thinking of Jem’s soft lips under his own was so wrong, and he knew that, yet he could not help the excitement that swirled in the bottom of his stomach. And Will all of a sudden realised what the weird feelings he’s been having for Jem recently meant.

It was all so wrong and he knew that nothing would ever come of these stupid feelings, but god help him if he didn’t want to kiss Jem so badly.

He pushed it all down, because he knew he had to, and broke the silence that was threatening to overwhelm them. His voice was uncharacteristically croaky, and for some reason, Will felt on the verge of tears. “Jem, will you play for me? It’s been so long since I’ve heard you play.”

It was the middle of the night, and it was such an odd request, but Will needed something to take his mind off his thoughts. He always got lost when he heard Jem playing, he was transported to another world, whether his tune was melancholy or delighted, Will always found himself forgetting who he was and living within the notes Jem rang from the violin.

“You are an odd child, William Herondale,” Jem whispered, his voice was so soft it was like silk. He got up off the bed and took his violin out of the case, placing the bow to the strings and beginning to move it up and down, his fingers moving to create a tune. It was beautiful, and spoke to Will of places he’d never see, of summer nights in China, of a lullaby in Mandarin, of the innocence of childhood that Jem had once possessed. The music let Will become Jem for that moment, because Jem was laying out a piece of his soul within the notes and baring it to Will.

Will leant back and smiled, and he let the song wash over him, let it make him forget of the worries of today and live in the bliss of what once was.

* * *

 

Tessa awoke to the sound of music.

It was the middle of the night still, and she had really only just fallen into slumber. Yet she could not ignore the devastatingly beautiful music that sounded throughout the halls. At first she thought that she must be dreaming, but there was something so real about the song that she knew that she could not be imagining it.

Pulled by some sort of invisible thread, Tessa got out of her bed and opened her bedroom door, making the sound even louder. Tessa followed it as if in a dream, and found herself outside a door similar to her own. It was violin music, something that could easily sound awful, but when wielded with skill like this it was extraordinary.

Tessa hesitated outside the door. It would be so rude to open it in the middle of the night, but she had to know who was playing. Somehow she couldn’t imagine any of the people she’d met at the Institute so far playing like this.

As if mobbing of its own accord, her hand found the door handle and she twisted, just needing to catch a glimpse.

The door opened to reveal a young boy of around her age standing tall with his violin tucked under his chin, notes spilling out from under his fingers. He seemed to shimmer in the moonlight that was filtering through the window, giving him an ethereal quality. His hair was shockingly silver, which startled Tessa. She looked around and saw Will lying on the bed, his eyes closed and his face serene. He looked so calm and beautiful without the scowl and darkened expression she had seen all day. He seemed to be at peace, utterly relaxed.

The music stopped as soon as she walked in. Will cracked open his eyes, surprise clouding his face, and the violinist turned to look at her. He was truly stunning, his eyes matching the same starry shade as his hair.

She knew that she was standing awkwardly in the doorway, and that she had clearly walked in when she shouldn’t have. “I’m sorry to interrupt, it’s just that I heard the music from my room, and it was so beautiful that I had to come and see its source.”

The silver haired boy just smiled, lighting up his entire face. “Thank you. You must be Tessa, I assume?”

She nodded, unsure what to say to this mystery boy. “I’m James Carstairs, but everyone knows me as Jem. I’m one of the wards here at the Institute, and this idiot’s best friend,” he said, grinning, pointing to Will, who smiled back at Jem’s tease. “He’s told me all about you.”

Tessa looked back at Will, but he didn’t seem to notice. He was too busy staring at Jem.

“Only flattering things, I hope.”

“Yes, of course. He may seem a bit standoffish, but he’s nice beneath all the blackness.”

Will got up off the bed and walked over towards Jem. “Jem’s been feeling ill today, so that’s why you’ve not met him yet. But he’s a good man, a much better one than me, and I know that he’ll do everything in his power to help get your brother back.”

He was speaking to Tessa, but was looking at Jem the entire time. A faint blush appeared on Jem’s cheekbones.

“I appreciate everything that all of you are doing for me. Your playing was extraordinary, Jem. Where did you learn to play?”

He looked down as she said this. “My father taught me back when we lived in China.”

There was a wave of sadness behind Jem’s voice. “Oh,” said Tessa, knowing she’d broached a sensitive topic. “Have you lost your parents too?”

Will had stood up by this point, and was the one to reply. “All of us here have lost our family, so we made one of our own.”

Jem looked up to face Will. “Your parents aren’t dead, William.”

“No, but they’re lost to me just the same.”

Tessa sensed that there was a larger story behind the words, something that Will kept bottled up, but she didn’t dare ask about it. She’s already brought about the gloomiest topic imaginable, and she did want the mood to lighten again.

Before she could say anything else, Jem doubled over in a coughing fit, his hand over his mouth as he hacked violently. Will rushed over to him, taking his arm and guiding him back to the bed. “Jem, you need to rest, you need to take it again,” said Will, concern laced through his voice.

Tessa felt extremely awkward, unsure what to do or say. Jem was so clearly in pain, and it made her hurt seeing anyone like this.

“Just go,” said Will, turning to her. “He’s sick, but he’ll be fine by morning. You can chat or whatever then.”

“I hope you feel better soon,” Tessa mumbled, before leaving and wandering back to her own room.

When she was safely in her own bed, she allowed herself to wonder about what she had just seen and what it meant.

* * *

 

After Jem took the wretched _yin fen,_ he lay in bed again, his coughing having subsided and his heart rate finally settling down again. He still felt hot, but he knew he’d be alright in the morning.

Will was still here, his hand firmly gripped in Jem’s. “I’m not going anywhere, James. I’ll always be right here.”

It was comforting, and he never wanted Will to let go of his hand again, which was a slightly scary and overwhelming feeling. He was so happy Will was here with him.

As he drifted off he realised how wrong he had been before.

Tessa was a lovely girl, she was certainly very attractive with her luscious brown hair and inquisitive grey eyes. He could see the appeal in her, and she seemed to be very kind; he could see why everyone had been so eager to help her out. Jem himself was certainly intrigued and impossibly excited by the prospect she had introduced. There was actual magic that existed in the world, though they only knew as much as Tessa which wasn’t very much, but the possibilities behind it were endless.

He knew he was being selfish, but the knowledge of magic sparked a hope that he might be able to be cured. That he might be able to live.

He’d been wrong about Will fancying Tessa though. Sure she seemed fantastic, but it was obvious when the three of them were in the same room.

Because the whole time Will had been staring at him.

He looked at Tessa when he spoke to her, but his attention had been entirely devoted to Jem.

He wasn’t really sure what to make of it all. His and Will’s relationship had always been extremely close, but he had never considered just how close. He couldn’t stop the rush of feelings, the want that consumed him. If only he could lean over and kiss Will’s soft lips, to feel them under his own. He knew that his wants were considered wrong, but sometimes the way Will looked at him made it so _so_ tempting. He knew that he really shouldn’t be thinking about this, but Will’s attention on him made him blush, and it led to thoughts that he couldn’t control.

Jem knew that his feelings for Will could be dangerous, but he couldn’t help it.

Not when Will looked at him like he was the sun. Not when Jem looked at Will like he was the world.


	5. The First Time We Kissed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Agh sorry for disappearing for a while! I had exams, and writers block at the beginning of the chapter.  
> So here we have it! Finally a kiss yay! This was super fun to write, and I hope you enjoy it, and I hope I did it justice

e knew that everyone was busy with trying to determine what had happened to Tessa’s brother, and Jem felt more than a little guilty that it wasn’t the main thing preoccupying his mind.

He would be lying if he said that it wasn’t Will who seemed to haunt every one of his thoughts. Everything led back to Will, and to the way he looked at him and the warm feeling in the pit of his stomach every time Will smiled.

The next morning, Jem woke up to find that Will’s hand was still entwined with his own. Will was slumped back in the chair, his eyes closed and his breathing deep. He was tempted to move his hand away, but found that he couldn’t bring himself to do it, instead squeezing his hand even tighter.

When Will eventually opened his eyes, Jem found that he was still lying there smiling fondly at him, a blush faintly colouring his pale cheeks. “Morning,” he said, and Will smiled back at him, his face lighting up and his blue orbs shining.

“Morning, Jem,” Will whispered, and hearing him say his name so softly sent shivers down Jem’s spine.

There was a silence, but it wasn’t awkward, more companionable. Jem was lost in Will’s eyes, in dreams that he knew would never be a reality. He was so stupid for thinking that what he and Will had ran deeper than friendship, he knew that he wasn’t being rational, but when Will looked at him all rationality he possessed went flying out of the window.

It was a long time before either of them moved, and when they do, their hands lingered, touching until they had to move apart.

* * *

To say that he couldn’t concentrate would be an understatement. Tessa was talking to him, he could see her lips moving, but it was as though they were underwater, because he couldn’t distinguish the words she was saying. His thoughts were everywhere, running away and hyperactive, but they always led back to Jem. To Jem and his curious, silvery eyes, to his slender hands and beautiful smile. To the way Jem had looked at him that morning, the sun filtering in through his curtains and the look of pure happiness on his face, their hands entwined. It was the ultimate picture of serenity in Will’s mind, and he couldn’t shake the image.

“Will?” Tessa waved a hand in front of his face, snapping him out of his daydream. “Will, are you listening to me?”

Will looked down, Jem still on his mind. “I must admit that I wasn’t.”

Tessa huffed, but then looked at Will with her grey eyes wide and curious. “You’re very easily distracted, aren’t you Will?”

 _No, I just have a lot on my mind at the moment._ What did it all mean, this longing for Jem? What was going to happen to it, or because of it? Would it affect their relationship? Destroy it? Or turn it into something else…?

“I suppose. My mind is constantly running off, leaping from thought to thought.”

“Are they about Jem?”

That startled Will, and made him stop short. Had he really been that obvious?

“I don’t know what you mean,” he mumbled, his cheeks going warm. Before he could say anything else that would embarrass him even further, he left abruptly, leaving Tessa thoroughly confused.

He felt even more confused though, and before he even realised where his feet were taking him, he found himself outside Jem’s room again. It was pathetic really; Jem wasn’t even in there, he’d muttered something vague about going out for a walk to clear his head about half an hour previously. He’d been cooped up in his room for nearly three days, so Will didn’t blame him. He’d almost asked if he could join him, but quickly dismissed the idea for want of not sounding too clingy. He had to give Jem time on his own, after all.

Annoyed and confused, Will found himself gloomily trekking to his own room. He wasn’t sure what to do, what to think. All he knew was that he wanted Jem in ways that he shouldn’t, that Jem was so utterly perfect with all his little quirks that Will couldn’t help but notice, couldn’t help but adore.

He sat on his bed and pushed his hair out of his face, breathing out with a sigh. Confused didn’t even begin to describe it.

Lying back on his bed, all Will could think was that Jem Carstairs had ruined him, but whether for good or for bad yet he couldn’t decide.

* * *

 

The walk to Blackfriars Bridge had actually soothed him. The London air was so familiar to him, and he gained a new appreciation after being confined to his room. And he remembered why he liked this place so much. The silence took his mind off all the crazy things that had been happening in the Institute the last couple of days, and all the crazy thoughts he’d been having regarding a certain blue eyed Herondale. Being away from it all let Jem relax and just think for a while, and Jem could simply breath and look out at the city which had become his home.

It was drizzling, as per usual in England. Jem felt the rain run down his face, his hair becoming wet with the rain water. It felt cleansing, purifying almost. He was just happy to be outside, to experience even the dullest of weather.

Returning to the Institute, Jem felt refreshed. He hated the feeling of being trapped that the _yin fen_ gave him, and revelled in moments when he could forget about his pain and just be free. More often than not, those moments happened when he was around Will. Will freed him, freed his soul. He barely knew how to describe it, or what it meant.

He found Will sulking in his favourite haunt, the library. His dark hair was ruffled, and his body seemed strung like a bow, tension wired through him. His hands were moving, tapping away at his leg, raking through his hair agitatedly. His brilliant blue eyes seemed troubled, but they lit up when he noticed Jem.

“Are you quite alright, Will? You’re in the library, yet I see no books in your hands.”

“Mmm, I’m fine,” Will mumbled, but he seemed distracted. Inexplicably, Jem’s heart sped up.

Jem took a step closer. “You forget that I know you better than anyone in the world, Will Herondale. I can tell that something’s up.”

Will sighed, and slid down the book case he was leaning on, until he was sitting on the floor, his legs sprawled out in front of him. Before really thinking, Jem found himself squatting down and sitting next to Will, so that the sides of their thighs and knees were touching. He expected Will to move away from the prolonged contact; it felt far more intimate than Jem had intended.

He didn’t.

Instead, Jem was startled when he felt Will’s warm hand seek his own, tangling their fingers together. Will’s hand was a bit clammy, but it was oddly comforting, his fingers still moving absently, stroking the back of Jem’s hand.

Will turned to look at him, his blue eyes blazing, that look of cloudiness and confusion Jem had glimpsed earlier seemingly vanished. His gaze was intense, and Jem could do nothing but swallow and stare back, lost in the depths of Will’s eyes. How was he supposed to stop thinking about kissing Will when he looked at him like this?

“Jem…” Will breathed, and Jem’s breath hitched. He couldn’t have imagined the underlying tone behind that word, the want, the desire.

He wasn’t sure how it happened, but he was leaning in. Will’s lips were just so damn close, and so tempting. There was no distance between them now; the tension that had surrounded them ever since the words ‘I love you’ had fallen from their lips had finally reached a breaking point, and it was about to explode. Something was happening, and Jem couldn’t control it.

Before he could reconsider, before he could find any sense and lean back, Will’s lips were on his own, and _oh god._ Will’s mouth upon his own was utterly electrifying, it felt like something otherworldly, something indescribably perfect. Once their lips brushed, Jem knew that any option of him moving back was lost, because he could never get enough of this feeling. He was being uplifted, he was being purified. It made the butterflies in his stomach leap and dance inside him, overwhelmed by immeasurable joy.

He was lost, his feelings for Will spilling over into this one, undoable action. He fully expected Will to pull away, to look at him with shock and revulsion. He thought he was prepared for Will’s rejection, for the regret he would feel after.

He certainly wasn’t prepared for Will to sigh into his lips and to kiss him back, to feel Will’s lips move alongside his, no space between them. Will’s free hand snaked its way into Jem’s hair, still damp from his previous walk. Remembering that his hair was wet suddenly made it seem more real. It had felt far too much like a dream until now, something that Jem might conjure up in the deep recesses of sleep, yet this small detail brought Jem back to reality, back to the fact that he was actually kissing Will. It made Jem’s heart beat so fast he thought that it couldn’t possibly be natural or healthy.

Will moved them closer, so that their chests were nearly touching, and Will’s leg fell on top of his own. He had almost forgotten that they were still holding hands, and the position quickly became uncomfortable, so Jem removed his hands from Will’s, only to wrap it around his slender waist. He felt Will smile into their kiss, and he couldn’t help but smile back. Jem couldn’t imagine a more perfect feeling.

He knew that he should lean back, that they should talk about what this whole thing meant, but Jem seemed not physically able to do that at the moment, instead he seemed only capable of pressing closer, of pushing his tongue against Will’s, eliciting a soft gasp from the other boy. All coherent thought was gone, and all Jem could feel was Will’s touch, Will’s skin upon his own.

It was Will who pulled away in the end, but not too far; their foreheads were still virtually touching. Both of their chests were heaving, and Jem could’ve sworn that he could hear Will’s heartbeat thumping just as quickly as his own.

“Will,” he managed to gasp out, rational thought gradually returning. What they had just done, and all the consequences, was finally beginning to sink in. He’d kissed his best friend. His _male_ best friend, who he’d been having rather wild and inappropriate thoughts about lately.

He wasn’t sure what else to say, but it was Will who broke the silence. “That was possibly the best thing that you’ve ever done, James. I have been dreaming about it, but I didn’t know if I’d ever have the guts to do it.”

His eyes were so bright, and his smile so wide, and Jem just wanted to drown in Will’s happiness. He didn’t want to be the cynic, but the anxiety of what it all meant was gnawing away at him. “Will, we…I…” He was struggling for the right words. “We can’t tell anyone. About this, I mean. We’ll have to live in hiding; people would hate and shun us if they found out. Hell, we could even be arrested, Will. Are you sure this is the right thing to do?”

He hated that he had to say it, hated the words as they passed his lips, but he knew that he had to put it out there. He was trembling; he could feel his hands shaking. There was a part of him that was terrified that Will was going to reject him, to realise that this was all one big mistake.

Will only kissed him instead. “I know that people will think it’s wrong, Jem, but I honestly don’t care. It feels so right, this feels so natural. I could never get tired of being with you like this, of kissing you and touching you. I _love_ you, Jem.”

Will’s eyes widened, as though he hadn’t meant to slip out those last words. Jem couldn’t help but grin, his eyes crinkling and a laugh threatening to bubble out. The last time Will had said that to hi, it had been in his mother tongue, and it had been with that simmering tension of not really knowing what they both meant when they had said it. Now, Jem knew: he loved l absolutely and completely, in ways of friendship and brothers, but also things that run so much deeper than friendship. He wanted to touch Will forever, to hold him and love him. His love was like a fire, burning in all the pits of his soul.

“God, Will, I love you too. I’ve always loved you, and though it took me a while to figure it out, I love you far more than friends do, and I know that I shouldn’t, but trying to ignore it just made me mad and frustrated and jealous. I love—”

He was cut off by Will’s lips attacking his own, their mouths moving in perfect synchronisation. His hands raked through Jem’s hair, tugging slightly on the silvery locks, sending coils of pleasure shooting through his body. His own fingers found their way to Will’s jaw, stroking the smooth skin there. He had never kissed anyone before, never mind a guy, and yet despite his awkward inexperience this all seemed natural, like his body was being controlled by some other force. It wasn’t perfect, in fact it was a bit sloppy, a bit too eager and bashful, but it didn’t matter. Neither of them cared. It didn’t matter, because it was still undoubtedly the best thing that either of them had ever done.

Jem was highly embarrassed by the growing bulge between his legs. He never knew that kissing could turn him on so much, that _Will_ could, but when Will shifted so that he was _practically sitting in Jem’s lap,_ his knee brushed against Jem’s groin, sending sparks erupting in his stomach. He let out a noise, somewhere between a gasp and a groan. Will smirked, sending Jem blushing once again.

When Will finally leant back, his lips swollen and his cheeks flushed, Jem couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled out of his mouth.

“What’s so funny?” said Will, confused.

“It’s just…the delightful absurdity of all this. And the fact that I have William Herondale in a library, and he doesn’t seem to have touched a book once. It’s possibly my highest achievement.”

And then Will was laughing too, and Jem knew that nothing had changed, not really. Their relationship had always been intense and full of unspoken words, but it had been built on wit and gentle teasing, and the knowledge that they were the only people who knew the other so wholly and closely. This wasn’t a giant shift; rather a natural progression, something inevitable and destined.

Will looked him in the eyes, the ocean that was him sweeping Jem away. “You’re much more fun than a book. When I’m with you, I live in my own fairy tale.”

And Jem was drowning again, drowning in the phenomenon that was Will and his way with words. His heart fluttered in his chest, and his breath was short. “Those are words I never thought I’d hear you say.” His voice was quiet and small, almost unsure, but Will smiled again.

“Kiss me, James.”

And so he did.

* * *

 

Will retired to his room that evening much more satisfied that the last time he had stormed in here. Ever since Jem had crossed that distance and brought their lips together, Will had felt like he was living a dream, because this was exactly the kind of thing he would, and had, dreamed about. The fact that it had actually happened made Will’s head spin and his heart stutter. When Jem kissed him the world seemed right, and Will could forget all the misery and pain in his life, could finally forget his damn curse, and just kiss him back. It was an intoxicating feeling, one that Will craved even more now.

He leant back on his bed, grinning like a lunatic at the ceiling. Today had been perfect, and Will could barely believe that he would wake up tomorrow morning and be allowed to kiss Jem again. Of course they would have to be subtle about it, but he didn’t care. He would never care about what people might think, because he knew that it was right. He had always relied on his instincts, they’re what led him to Tessa in fact, and every instinct within him was screaming that this was right, that this was where he was meant to be.

Will fell asleep with a smile on his face for the first time in years.


	6. The First Time We Woke Up Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I am seriously running out of firsts for the chapter titles omg  
> So sorry for the long wait! I hope I made up for it, especially with the heronstairs scenes in this. I'm trying to keep the plot moving whilst still having fluffy heronstairs scenes

Will stumbled into the dining room the next morning later than everyone else. All heads turned to him as he opened the door and made his way to his usual spot at the table, next to Jem. Conversation had fallen silent.

Jem had given him a shy smile as he’d walked in, and Will had tried his hardest not to grin like an absolute idiot. Jem had always smiled at him, and he’d never felt like this before. Knowing what the smile really meant sent flutters through Will’s stomach.

“Nice of you to join us, Will,” said Charlotte, her tone full of authority and control. Something was going down.

Will said nothing, barely even looking at Charlotte. After an awkward silence, Charlotte cleared her throat and resumed speaking.

“We have decided that to begin the search for Tessa’s brother Nathaniel, we need to start following up some leads. Henry and I have been speaking to Tessa, and we think we should talk to Axel Mortmain, who we know was her brother’s employer here in London. There might be some insight there as to the circumstances in which Nathaniel went missing.”

Jem’s hand had found his under the table and he squeezed Will’s fingers. The gesture was so casual and it sent Will’s heart stuttering.

“We would also appreciate it if you and Jem were to help too. It would be very helpful if you could go back to the house you found Tessa, and see if there’s anything you can find there. Tessa has warned us about the two women who took her, and if they turn out to be dangerous or armed, you are the only two who are somewhat trained in physical combat.”

Will briefly glanced at Jem, who nodded slightly. It appeared that Charlotte wasn’t really asking him, more telling him what to do. He didn’t mind though. He had meant what he had said about helping Tessa, but this way it didn’t seem as though he was volunteering. He didn’t appear too eager, and that all added up in his effort of making sure that his curse wouldn’t affect Tessa.

His curse. In the excitement of yesterday, he’d almost forgotten about the curse that plagued his existence. Panic set in as he wondered if the step him and Jem had taken in their relationship would catalyse Jem’s death. Jem had confessed his love for him, and if that love was anything like his for Jem, it was very deep and absolutely unconditional. He’d failed at pushing everyone away, Jem loved him and that certainly meant he would die soon. Fear gripped him, churning in the pits of his stomach. He didn’t want to be responsible for Jem’s death, he didn’t want to see Jem die even faster than he already was because he was in love with Will.

He clutched Jem’s hand even tighter under the table, all of a sudden afraid that Jem might just disappear.

“That should be fine. We’ll leave momentarily, right James?”

Jem, who had been sipping his tea, hastily put it down and stood up. Will snatched his hand away from Jem’s and stood up too, the two of them making their way to the door.

“Be careful, boys. If things get too dangerous, get out of there immediately. And don’t be stupid; we don’t know what we’re dealing with here in terms of magic,” Charlotte called after them, but Will didn’t turn around.

* * *

 

Will was surprised that he actually remembered where the house was. Last time it had been in the middle of the night, and he’d been wandering the streets aimlessly, so when he and Jem actually found themselves in front of the house with the ouroborous symbol etched into the door, Will felt somewhat impressed by his apparent navigation skills.

The Institute was a place that held many secrets and interesting things, as demonstrated by the fact that Will had a blade in his belt, and Jem had a dagger and his cane. He had brought his cane with him from China, but the Institute was perhaps unsurprisingly well stocked with things like weapons. The house had been left to Charlotte by her father Granville, and from what Will had gathered the man had been something of a hoarder with things like this. Will was sure he could find anything and everything hiding somewhere in the maze-like building.

There weren’t any convenient open windows this time. “We’re probably going to have to knock down the door, Jem,” he said, rolling up his sleeves and preparing to charge into the door. Just before his body hit the wood though, Jem grabbed the door handle and pushed, the door opening with a creak. In his surprise, Will tumbled to the ground, which sent a soft laugh escaping from Jem’s lips.

Will glared up at Jem, who gave him a smug smile and said, “You get what you deserve. And besides, when has breaking down a solid wooden door ever been preferable to perhaps picking the lock?”

Having got to his feet, Will looked and Jem incredulously. “You can pick locks?”

Jem was about to retort when they heard a noise from above them. Will held a finger up to his lips, and Jem nodded in return as they slowly made their way towards the huge staircase in front of them. Will’s hands were on the hilt of his blade.

The house appeared to be completely empty. They searched all of the downstairs rooms, and then proceeded upstairs.

They ended up outside the room that Will had found Tessa in. The door was slightly ajar, and this time it was Will who opened it.

Inside there was silence, and the body of a girl lying at an awkward angle on the bed. The vase that Tessa had bashed over his head was still there on the bedside table, and everything else looked, well, ordinary.

“Will,” Jem whispered. His voice was soft, full of trepidation. It pierced the enveloping silence that lingered in the room, in the whole house. Will felt Jem’s hand find his own again; this was quickly becoming a comforting gesture. Having Jem’s fingers tangled in his own was such a small gesture, but it spoke volumes, of trust and comfort and love. “Will, is she…?”

The question lingered in the air, and Will didn’t really want to have to face the answer.

He had to though. He forced himself to move towards the bed, Jem moving beside him. When they were close enough, Will leant down and turned the girl over, already knowing the answer to Jem’s question.

Will gasped in shock as he saw the girl’s face. It was slashed, and one of her eyes looked as though it was nearly falling out, but there was no blood at all. Instead where her skin was cut open, there looked to be some sort of…machinery where her flesh should be.

“Magic?” Will asked, completely stumped.

He looked at Jem’s perfect face, which was clouded with trouble and confusion. “I don’t know. It looks rather like the insides of one of Henry’s contraptions, don’t you think?”

Despite the grossness of it, Will moved his free hand and peeled back a bit of her skin, which was oddly dry and paper like. There were no fluids underneath, and the machinery was cool and metal.

“We need to get Henry to look at this, see if he can figure out how it works,” said Will tersely.

Jem could only nod, as mystery piled upon mystery.

* * *

 

Tessa had recognised the girl as Miranda, the servant girl who had guarded her whilst she had been prisoner. Henry’s verdict was equally interesting; he thought that the girl was some sort of automaton. “She’s not alive; made of some sort of complex design intended to simulate life. How it works, I have no idea. It must have something to do with magic, which is annoying…”

Their excursions had not been fruitless though. Jem and Will had brought the automaton body and not much else, but Charlotte and Henry had gathered some very valuable information.

“We spoke to Mortmain, and after some…persuasion, he told us about Nate, and that he’d been involved in something called the Pandemonium Club. Apparently this club is some sort of Downworlder establishment.”

Will frowned. “Downworlder?”

Charlotte gave a little shrug. “Apparently that’s the name for magical people. Mortmain said that he himself wasn’t a Downworlder, but he knew some things about the world. Unfortunately he divulged very little, I still have barely an idea what magic exists, but he did say that your brother went to work for someone named Alexei De Quincey. Someone who he claimed to be a vampire.”

Will couldn’t help but scoff. “A vampire? And you actually believed that?”

“Well, we can be sceptical about it, of course, but the truth is that we don’t know what’s true anymore. We are the ones who are completely out of our depth here with this, so we can’t presume to know anything.”

There was a brief silence in which Charlotte glanced quickly at Tessa. “Also, Tessa, Mortmain said that De Quincey was the one called the Magister.”

Will could see Tessa freeze for a moment, but she quickly recomposed herself. “If we can find De Quincey, we can find my brother. That’s what I care about most.”

Before anyone could respond, Henry held up a mechanical part of Miranda, exclaiming, “Look! This part has a seal with a large Q and a small D inside. This could stand for De Quincey.”

Charlotte frowned. “This would suggest that this is all more intertwined than we thought. This puzzle, of you and your abilities, of De Quincey and these clockwork creatures, it all fits together somehow. We just need to figure out how.”

“Easier said than done, Charlotte,” murmured Will. “Easier said than done.”

* * *

 

Will and Jem found themselves in Will’s bedroom that evening, finally the two of them alone again. The day had gone slowly, and with everything going on the neither of them had had much time to spare to think about the nature of their relationship. But with night having fallen, and the rest of the Institute sleeping, all that they could think about was the other.

Will’s breath hitched a little as Jem wandered into his room. He was so beautiful, and it scared Will a little that he could think things so dangerous, yet so absolutely true.

“Will,” Jem smiled, his voice happy and it made Will’s heart swell.

“Jem,” Will responded, smiling back at him.

Jem took a place next to Will on the bed, letting out a sigh. “This has all been so crazy. I mean, magic? Vampires? I almost wish we could go back to the simpler times when we weren’t trying to figure out what an alleged vampire wants with a shape-shifter’s brother.”

“Almost. But you and I both know that none of us would really go back. The excitement and adventure that this could mean… I mean, the limits are endless, Jem.”

Jem averted his eyes. “I know. Will, I was thinking that maybe, well I mean I know it’s a long shot, but what if there was some way to cure me? I don’t want to get my hopes up, and I don’t want to get yours up either because that would hurt you even more, which is the last thing I want. But after we find Nate, maybe we could look. As you said, the limits are endless.”

Jem seemed so nervous, so unsure about this little fire of hope that had been kindled in his heart because of the fear that it will be so easily snuffed out. Jem had never had any real hope that he would live much past eighteen, but now there was something new behind those dazzling silver eyes. Something exciting.

Will would also be lying if the thought hadn’t crossed his mind a couple of times, but he didn’t want to be the one to give Jem any false hope. The fact that Jem was suggesting it now, that maybe there was some way out there waiting to be found for Jem to live, for Will not to have to give up Jem for a long time, sent tingles down his spine.

Will put his hand out and ran his fingers over Jem’s jawline, bringing their faces close together. When there was barely any space in between them, when their skin was so close that it felt electrified, Will whispered, “Any hope is better than none, Jem. This is all so new, and if it leads us to a cure, then it would be…” He leant in and closed the gap between their lips, kissing Jem long and slow. The magic wasn’t the only thing that was new; this whole kissing thing. And what all the kissing meant. It was new and a bit scary, and it was making Will’s cheeks heat up, but there had never been a better feeling than this. With the thoughts that Jem could be healed one day, and his mouth exploring Will’s, he couldn’t think of anything that could feel better. Except maybe…

He broke off, still grinning. “That would be indescribably and undeniably the best thing that could happen, ever.”

The little fire in Jem’s eyes burned a little brighter, and his smile was a little happier. “Even better than this?” His voice was teasing, and Will grinned as Jem leaned forward again.

His lips tasted of burnt sugar, the lingering effects of the _yin fen,_ but there was something that was so inherently Jem too, something that wasn’t the product of the drug that was killing him.

When Jem broke the kiss, there was a teasing question in his eyes and a lazy grin on his face. “Well?”

“Even better. Because there’s promises of more kisses to come.”

They kissed again, and Will was so overcome by how utterly lucky he was. He knew that nearly everyone would see this as wrong, because two men in this sort of relationship was frowned upon, but that didn’t matter at all. Will had virtually no doubt that he was the luckiest man in the world, because he had found Jem, who was the only person who knew Will so completely, knew his good and his bad sides, yet loved him anyway.

Gradually, their kisses became less intense and more lazy, both of them smiling into the other’s lips. Jem’s hair was soft and shining under his fingers, and Will couldn’t help but imagine what it would look like dark, the colour it naturally was without the _yin fen._ Unexpected hope and want for that, for Will to run his hands through his hair if it was dark, thumped through his chest, with every heartbeat.

Jem’s hands clung almost desperately to Will’s waist, his slim musician’s fingers slipping underneath the fabric of Will’s shirt to touch his bare skin. Everywhere Jem’s skin touched his own was electrifying.

It was Jem who eventually broke away. “It’s late. I should get going.”

For some reason, the idea of Jem leaving now seemed absolutely absurd to Will. “No, wait. Stay.”

“What if someone catches us, Will? If I don’t leave now, I won’t ever be able to.”

Will could only shrug. “It won’t seem so strange, even if they do. We’ve shared a bedroom so many times, and we’ve even shared a bed before, albeit in a much more platonic sense than I’m suggesting. Just stay. I want to be able to wake up next to you, James Carstairs.”

Something must have convinced Jem, whether it was his speech or his puppy-dog eyes, because the next thing he knew, they were in Will’s bed, a tangle of limbs and smiles. They were both fully clothed, but something about it felt so intimate. He could feel Jem breathing steadily next to him, could feel the heat radiating off his skin. They were so close, so entwined, in both body and soul.

Jem closed his eyes, his face utterly relaxed and serene, and Will leant forward and kissed his brow. “Goodnight, _cariad. Wo ai ni._ ”

He smiled at the mash of languages, and they both fell asleep in each other’s arms to the steady rhythm of their breathing.

* * *

 

The morning sunlight filtered through the curtains, and Jem blinked awake. He was not in his bedroom, but Will’s, and not his bed but Will’s. The other boy was still asleep next to him, his dark hair a mess on top of his head, his eyes closed and his face unguarded and peaceful. Will sleeping was so beautiful, because none of the stresses and secrets of life were etched across his face. The sight made Jem smile.

“Will,” Jem whispered, his voice soft. Will was clearly half-awake, because he grumbled something and turned away from him. “Will, wake up. It’s morning.”

He turned back, though his eyes remained firmly closed. Jem, despite the butterflies that always seemed to warming in his stomach whenever he was vaguely romantic around Will, leant forwards and kissed him softly on the lips to wake him up properly.

Will’s dazzling, blue eyes flew open as their lips touched, and Jem knew that he’d done the right thing. It was a sweet kiss, chaste yet still loving.

“Good morning to you too,” he breathed.

Will had been right. The feeling of waking up next to him like this was so…warm. It made Jem feel all fuzzy inside, and made him realise just how much he loved Will. It was a little scary, that even just looking at him could send him into a state, but it was a good feeling.

He sat up, and immediately his head spun. He let out a violent cough, and when he pulled his hand away, dread flooding through him as he saw the blood on his palm.

“Jem? Oh god, Jem, are you okay?” Will’s voice was so concerned, so worried and it broke Jem’s heart.

“I just…” He stumbled out of the bed, his head still throbbing. “I just haven’t taken any in a while. I need to—”

The door was flung open, and Jem was staggering to his own room. He felt bad about just leaving Will, but he needed to get to the box of _yin fen_ in his room. The coughing didn’t stop.

“Jem!” Will called after him, but he didn’t follow, for which Jem was glad. Will knew that he hated it when he watched him take the damned drug.

The box that contained the silver powder was his worst enemy, his most hated yet important belonging. He hated it, hated himself every time he took it. The idea of it repulsed him, but the pain that he experienced when he didn’t take it for a long time was excruciating.

And just like that, the beautiful morning he’d been having was ruined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my [tumblr](http://jonathanchristopher.co.vu/)


	7. The First Time We Almost Got Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, sorry for the huge wait between chapters! This one is fairly plotty, and I'm not really satisfied with it. There's not as much heronstairs as we would all like, but the plot needs to keep moving, though I'm sorry that a lot of this is a rewrite of the scene with Camille, it somehow ended up longer than I would have liked.  
> Let me know what you think, and I'll try and promise a bit more heronstairs fluff next chapter

Jem heard a soft knock on the door about fifteen minutes after he’d left Will in his bedroom. He’d taken his _yin fen_ and gotten ready, changing his clothes and washed his face, trying to wash away the feeling that the drug gave him.

“Come in.” He tried to project his voice to stop it from cracking, but it was shaky and wavering, and he knew Will would’ve sensed that.

The worry in the other boy’s eyes hurt Jem nearly as much as the effect of the drug, though in a completely different way. Will’s worry made Jem’s heart ache, because the emotions written on his face were because of him. And he knew that as much as his ‘illness’ pained him, it pained Will equally if not even more.

“James,” Will whispered, his hands seeking out Jem’s face. He was looking down, almost ashamed of his weakness, of the fact that he couldn’t go even a day without having a fit of pain and having to take the drug. “Are you alright?”

Will turned his face so that Jem was staring into his brilliant, blue eyes.  “I’m fine.” His voice was a little stronger than before. “I’m fine, William.”

“You’d think I wouldn’t worry, but I do. Every time I worry that maybe next time you won’t be fine…”

Jem kissed him, softly, sweetly. “I’m fine,” he murmured again against Will’s lips, a chant meant to reassure not only Will but himself too.

Will kissed him back, and before he knew it, Jem’s hands were around Will’s waist and their kiss had deepened, their tongues sliding against each other and Will’s thumb stroking against his cheek.

There was a knock at the door. “Master Jem?” asked Sophie from behind the door.

They both sprang apart quickly, Jem’s heart beating far too loudly. They were lucky that Sophie was so polite and always knocked before coming in, otherwise she would’ve caught the two of them kissing… The consequences of that didn’t do well to dwell on.

Will looked as startled and dishevelled as Jem felt. His hair was askew and his cheeks flushed, his lips swollen from where Jem’s mouth had been moments before. His eyes were wild.

“Master Jem? Can I come in?”

“Of-of course, Sophie,” he stammered, his voice uneven and his heart still pounding. She opened the door and peered in, thankfully unsurprised to find Will in there as they were always in each other’s bedrooms anyway.

“I just came to sweep up,” she said, blushing a little. “But I can come back later if you’re not ready.”

“No, it’s fine.” He glanced back at Will, who still appeared to be in a state of shock. “Will and I were just leaving to go to breakfast.”

Will made a strangled sound of affirmation, which earned him an odd look from Sophie and a glare from Jem, and the a glare from Jem. The two of them proceeded to leavedeparted from the room, their cheeks burning.

Once they were down the corridor and out of earshot, Jem whirled back to face Will. “That was far too close,” he whispered. in confusion.

Will nodded anxiously, turning back to check for signs of eavesdropping. The secrecy of this wonderful, amazing thing was almost painful; he didn’t want to have to hide his feelings for Will like this. But he knew it was necessary, he knew that they would be shamed and judged and immediately shunned if anyone were to find out. Being in love with someone of the same gender was something that was never spoken about, never acknowledged and always looked down upon. He knew that even telling the members of the Institute was dangerous, even though every fibre of him wished it wasn’t.

“It was,” Will whispered, his tone hushed but the worry leaking into his voice. “If Sophie wasn’t so polite to you, we would’ve been caught for sure.”

Jem’s heart was sent into a panic; he was almost convinced that would be it, that Will would realise what he’d gotten himself into and break things off. Now that he’d tasted this life, this life of stolen kisses and shared beds he couldn’t bear the thought of going back to the semblance of friendship they’d used to have. It would be too painful, unbearable even.

He wanted, needed, the rest of his short life to be as amazing as the last few days with Will had been. Every one of his numbered heart beats was for Will too, and knowing that he could share the overwhelming love with Will was something more to live for.

“We need to be more careful.” His voice was now barely a whisper, and he could hear his heart thudding in his ears again.

But he needn’t have worried, and he shouldn’t have doubted Will. Because Will simply nodded, and agreed. There was no discussion of possibly stopping what they were doing, which reassured Jem. It told him volumes about what this relationship really meant to Will.

“Careful. We’ll be careful, Jem. Okay?”

“Okay.”

They didn’t touch again as they made their way to the dining room, but Jem caught Will glancing at him more than once, his expression full of utter adoration that made Jem melt inside.

This time, his heart sped up in a totally different way.

* * *

 “We have a visitor,” Charlotte informed them at lunch. Meal times were really the only time when all of the inhabitants of the Institute sat altogether, and even they were inconsistent. In the past few days they’d all been eating together though, because that seemed to be the time when information, like this, was announced.

“Who? Someone we know?” Will asked. He was holding Jem’s hand under the table again, something which had seemed to become a routine. It was the only thing they could really do in a semi-public space, but it was comforting. Jem’s hand was slender and cool beneath his own probably clammy one, but they both gripped on like it was a lifeline.

Since their near miss encounter with Sophie, things had been on edge. They had tried to be extra careful, but it was hard to anticipate what people would do and where they would be. But they still allowed themselves these small pleasures, like holding hands, otherwise Will swore he might go crazy. It had shaken him up a little but it didn’t make him want Jem any less.

Charlotte shook her head. “Her name is Lady Camille Belcourt. She said that she would like to speak to Tessa.”

Across from them, Tessa looked surprised. “Who is she?”

A flicker of nerves flashed across Charlotte’s face. “Well, she said that she had heard about us, and that she had some information on De Quincey. And she also claimed to be a…vampire. It seems Mortmain was telling the truth about that.”

Somehow, Will found he’d lost the capability to be surprised. Having a vampire waiting in the foyer seemed almost normal at this point. He wondered what else he’d become desensitized to over the course of this whole crazy experience.

And so that was how Tessa, Jem and Will found themselves face to face with a vampire for the first time.

Lady Belcourt was tall and slender, with pale white skin and illustrious blonde hair that fell in waves down her back. Her eyes were emeralds shining on her dainty face, her lips quirked up into a smirk as she eyed the three of them. Jem and Will had been adamant about accompanying Tessa, and no one had complained. He didn’t know what he was expecting, perhaps a monster with red eyes and huge teeth, but it wasn’t this. Camille could basically pass for human, if it wasn’t for the aged glint in her eyes that made Will remember that she wasn’t.

“And you must be Miss Gray, I presume?” Her voice was ageless and bearing no trace of any accent. Beside him, Tessa nodded, her face composed and her grey eyes fearless. Will found himself admiring her even more. “And who are your delightful little…companions?”

“This is Jem Carstairs and Will Herondale. What do you want?” Tessa’s voice didn’t waver.

Jem had taken up a position mirroring Will’s own next to Tessa, his hauntingly beautiful eyes full of caution and apprehension. Will couldn’t remember a time he’s seen the other boy so guarded; Jem was usually so open and went out of his way to be kind even to strangers. It was an odd look for him, something that Will wasn’t used to.

Camille laughed, her laugh like honey. Honey that had been laced with poison. “You’re very to the point, aren’t you?” She looked at the three of them, as if expecting a response. They all remained silent.

She sighed, and stepped forward, her movements unnaturally fluid and graceful. “I want nothing, if you must be so precise. Rather, I’m here to actually offer up information.”

Will narrowed his eyes. This whole ordeal was making him uneasy. He had immediately taken a disliking to Camille, for whatever reason, and he knew that there would be a catch to her information. “And at what price does this information come at?”

Camille’s smirk was back. “Just a promise. A promise that you use my information wisely. And that you wreak havoc upon Alexei De Quincey.”

At the name, Tessa froze. Will could sense her tense up next to him. He couldn’t imagine how she must be feeling, knowing this was the man who had had her kidnapped and had taken her brother. “You have my promise on that,” she said darkly, and Will knew that she meant it.

“Good.” Another sly smile spread across Camille’s face. “Good. De Quincey is a notorious vampire and has much influence. He’s not someone to be taken lightly. You should be wary of him, but you should also know that there’s quite a large chance your brother is with him. That’s what you want, isn’t it? To find your brother?”

Tessa’s eyes widened, but she didn’t say anything.

Camille stepped forward, towards Tessa. “I’ve heard of you, with your shape shifting abilities and your band of mundanes who are sticking their nose into Downworld.”

“Mundanes? That’s a little offensive, don’t you think?” Will couldn’t help it, the way she’d said mundanes seemed  almost disgusted, like she thought that because they had no magic they were inferior.

Camille only looked at him with disdain. She didn’t respond. “You seem to be able to do magic, right? So you must be a warlock; someone with a demon parent and a human one.”

Tessa looked taken aback, and Will didn’t blame her. A demon parent? That was certainly something that would be a lot to take in. He couldn’t imagine how she must be feeling, how devastating the information would be to her. Tessa’s entire semblance of normal had been shattered completely, her whole world falling down around her, and she didn’t even have her brother here to help her through it. The feelings Will felt went to sympathy and beyond, and there was a huge part of him that wished he had the freedom to befriend her properly, because he could see clearly how greatly they would get along. But all he could do was be cold and almost rude towards her, even though he knew he wouldn’t stop helping her to find her brother. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself, or look Jem in the eye ever again, if he didn’t help her in this way.

At the mention of demons and the thoughts of his curse running through his mind, Will’s own childhood memory of the box that he’d opened that had unleashed the blue skinned monster that had killed Ella and had cursed him. Surely that must have been a demon, no other word could describe it. To think that one of Tessa’s parent’s was something like that was…he couldn’t really imagine it.

“My parents weren’t demons. They were good people.”

Camille shrugged. “That’s for you to work out. I don’t care much about the people you thought were your parents. If you can do magic, you must be a warlock, but I can’t see an obvious warlock mark on you.”

“Warlock mark?” Jem asked. Will glanced over to the silver haired boy who’d been quiet up until now. His expression had only become stonier, his hands tapping on his beautiful, jade topped cane.

The vampire seemed vaguely annoyed by their questions. “Yes, warlock mark,” she said exasperatedly. “A physical manifestation of the demonic parentage, it can be anything from coloured skin, wings and horns to something more subtle, like cat eyes.”

Tessa looked baffled. “I don’t have anything like that. I thought I was completely ordinary until a few weeks ago, I don’t have a warlock’s mark or anything.”

Interest sparked in Camille’s eyes, but she rapidly changed the subject. “Well, anyway, I’m not here to give you lessons about Downworld. The point of this was me asking you if you would be able to change into me. If you can, you’ll be able to meet De Quincey and maybe find your brother.”

Confusion was swirling around in him, and from the looks of it, in Jem and Tessa too. It was a lot of information, all this talk of demons and warlocks and marks, but something told Will that perhaps Camille wasn’t the best person to go asking their questions to. She was too fickle for that, and could easily just give them false information.

Tessa must have picked up on that too, because she held in her curiosity and said, “I should be able to, if you give me something of yours.”

“How about this?” Camille handed Tessa a ring from her long, delicate fingers.

Moments later, where Tessa had once been standing was a perfect copy of Camille. Despite it being the second time he had witnessed Tessa’s magic, Will couldn’t help the surge of wonder that arose from within him. The fact that something like this was even possible was still astounding to him, Jem, who had not seen any magic in action before, widened his eyes in shock, and Will noticed the flicker of hope that flitted across his face. That hope was Will’s favourite thing in the whole world, the hope that Jem may be able to live the life entitled to him, rather than the despairing fate assigned to him.

Camille-Tessa stumbled backwards, clutching her chest. “Are you alright?” Jem’s voice was concerned as he rushed over to her. With the thoughts of the curse already in his head, a part of Will was glad that Jem was so nice, as it saved him the trouble of having to be stoic around everyone and being guilty about it constantly. He knew Jem would show all the affections that he couldn’t.

Tessa’s eyes, which were now as startlingly green as Camille’s were wide with shock. “God, my heart, it feels as though it’s stopped beating.”

“That would be the effects of the vampirism. Though rest assured, you’re not actually a vampire. No vampire can utter that word.”

“What, God?” The more Will was learning about magic and Downworld, the more intrigued he got. And the more he prayed that there was some way that he would be able to find a cure for Jem. He thought of his own curse, the curse that everyone who loved him were to die, and knew that he needed to see if he could find a cure for that too. He wouldn’t have Jem cured only to die because he was in love with Will. As soon as they had found Tessa’s brother, he would search for a way to reverse it, even if it meant facing things like that blue-skinned demon from years ago again. He wouldn’t let what had happened to Ella happen to Jem. Jem was all he had, but also all he aspired to be. He would ensure that Jem had the long and happy life he deserved, not marred by his addiction or Will’s own affliction.

Camille nodded, and Tessa stood up, changing back into herself. “De Quincey holds parties at his manor, usually involving feeding from and, well, killing humans.” The way Camille so nonchalantly added that to the conversation made Will feel a little sick. Did she really value human life so little? “They’re usually extremely popular among the vampire community. The best way for you to get close to De Quincey is at one of these parties, and what better way than to be disguised as the notorious Lady Belcourt?”

So this was Camille’s plan, have Tessa become her so that she could take De Quincey down. It would be so dangerous, sending Tessa into a completely new environment with a load of blood-sucking vampires at a sadistic party where people were being killed for fun and food. Despite not knowing her very long, the thought of Tessa being in danger put Will on edge, and he knew that him or Jem, or both of them, would have to accompany her. The thought of Jem being in danger actually gave Will a sense of physical unease, a feeling that doesn’t set right in his stomach.

Before any of them could say anything, could voice their doubts or concerns, Camille continued, giving them no chance to say no. “I can walk you through how to imitate me perfectly, how to act around De Quincey and the other vampires you’ll encounter. I’ll let you bring one of these mundanes with you disguised as a human subjugate, and I’ll even give you a guide at the party. I’m sure my lover Magnus Bane would be more than happy to help, he can be annoyingly kid like that, and no one will be surprised to see us together.” Camille was so casual about the whole thing, dropping in the fact that she had a lover as if it was no big deal. “This could be your best chance to get your brother back.”

All Will could think was she was manipulating them, using their wants and weaknesses and ignorance for her own, unknown advantages. He didn’t want to trust her, but he also recognised that she was right. Tessa would be a fool to say no, would be a fool to pass up the opportunity to get close to the Magister, to the man who hurt her brother.

Her grey eyes storms swirling on her delicate face, Tessa made the decision without any more discussion. “We are trusting that your information won’t be false, and that you’ll do all you can to help us.”

Camille’s red lips widened into a toothy grin, showing her brilliant white teeth. “I promise that, in this unusual instance, I am on your side, Miss Gray.”

With the deal having been done, a silence settled in on the room. Will glanced to Jem, whose silver eyes only stared back helplessly. This had been Tessa’s decision completely, and if trusting the vampire was what she wanted to do, they should support her to minimise the danger she was putting herself in.

“Okay, that’s all well and good, but what on Earth is a human subjugate? If I’m going to pretend to be one, don’t you think I should know what one is? Sounds a bit belittling, if I’m honest.” He wasn’t going to give Jem the chance to volunteer for something so dangerous, not with his health often being so precarious. Jem himself glared at Will, his unhappiness at Will signing himself up for a reckless mission so quickly and without the two of them discussing it first written all over his familiar face. But Will knew Jem better than he knew himself sometimes, and he knew that Jem was too noble to say no to a thing like this, even if it meant putting his precious life at risk, so Will wasn’t going to give him the opportunity.

He love him too much for that, and the reality that he loved Jem so much that he would rather sacrifice himself than to let Jem put himself in harm’s way scared him a little. The consuming magnitude of his love for Jem was too large to measure with words.

The vampire’s smile didn’t waver. “I’ll talk the logistics of it through with you, so there’s no need to worry, little mundane.” The way she called Will a mundane made him feel thoroughly offended.

He could barely look at Jem for the rest of the meeting, all too aware of the eyes he was being given from across the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on [tumblr](jonathanchristopher.co.vu)


	8. The First Time We Were Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo sorry for the huge wait!! I've just been so busy and I have a lot to write and I'm quite slow as well, so yeah. but I am most definitely not giving up on this story, I'm determined to carry on until the end.  
> I really hope you enjoy, sorry for some of it being a bit plotty and like Clockwork Angel, but I hope that you still liked it, and I managed to get a bit of heronstairs fluff in there as well, which is always my favourite to write  
> Please leave a comment!

Tessa was sitting across from Will in the carriage, her dress immaculate and her hands gloved, though her face was stony and troubled. They’d left the Institute behind and were now on the way to the vampire party, and Will completely understood her nervousness. Despite the preparation that Camille had tried to give her, being thrown into this foreign situation would be nerve-wracking for anyone.

He’d left Jem behind, though still on call due to one of Henry’s newest inventions that sat in his back pocket. Jem, however, had been adamant that Will shouldn’t go without him and had practically begged to go along with the two of them, but Will had put his stubbornness to good use and insisted that he stayed. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to handle the worry that would be gnawing away at him if Jem were here with them too.

The house that De Quincey was holding this vampire party in was grand and decadent, the exterior hugely impressive. From opposite him, Tessa let out a long breath.

“Ready?” he asked her.

She twisted Camille’s ring that was already on her finger, and closed her eyes. When she opened them, they were no longer a stormy grey colour but a crystalline emerald. “Ready.”

The two of them left the carriage and entered the house together, Will trailing behind her. Camille had told him how he’d need to act in order to pass off as her human subjugate, and he tried to do all that he could.

No one questioned them as they walked in, and soon they had reached the main room of the party, which was filled with people who Will could only assume to be vampires. There were so many in this one room, it was a little overwhelming to know that any of these people had the capability to drink his blood.

Before they got very far, a tall man with caramel skin and long, dark hair approached the two of them. He took Tessa’s hand into his own and placed a kiss upon it. “My darling Camille,” he said, his voice silky and smooth.

“Magnus?” Her voice lilted upwards so as to ask him a question so she could ascertain his identity.

“The one and only,” he replied, smiling. Then, under his breath, “Follow me.”

They walked the length of the party, and Will spotted groups of vampires talking and laughing together just as in a normal party, but he also saw vampires with their mouths pressed into the neck of a human, blood flowing into their mouths. It made Will feel a little sick, if he was honest, though he tried not to let it show.

They found themselves in a small room, something like a drawing room, with a few shelves of books behind them and a desk and chairs. Magnus shut the door behind him, and clicked his fingers. The fireplace, which had been previously unlit came roaring to life with blue flames. Camille had said that he was a warlock, and that he could do magic, but he couldn’t help the awe that flowed over him as he saw him do it so casually.

“Everyone was staring at us. Won’t we elicit some sort of comment, walking in here like this and shutting the door?”

Magnus waved her off. “They were all looking at Will, not us darling. He doesn’t look right, he doesn’t look…doting enough. He seems distracted.”

Will was always distracted these days: thoughts of Jem never seemed to leave him. But this was important, especially to Tessa, and he needed to keep focused.

He made a sarcastic comment but resolved to try and not let himself get distracted. “It’s her hat, it’s putting me off.”

Magnus turned to look at him directly in the eyes. Will was taken aback, because Magnus’s eyes were not human eyes.

They were cat eyes, a peculiar gold-green colour with the pupil slit as opposed to round. _A warlock’s mark_ , Camille had said. Something that identified warlocks physically as the children of demons, something which Tessa seemed to be lacking so unusually.

“Human subjugates do not get put off.” The tall man reclined on the table, pulling his feet up so that he was lying on his side and balancing his head with his hand.

“Why are you helping us?” asked Tessa, her voice quiet.

Magnus laughed a little. “Partly because of my relationship with Camille. Partly because I despise De Quincey as well. But also partly because I’m intrigued by you. Will’s a mundane who’s been thrown into our world but you’ve not been put off or corrupted, and you, Tessa, are a warlock with no mark, a thing that I didn’t think possible. I’m not usually one for charity or free help, but when things get as interesting as this I have no hope of turning it down.” His gold-green eyes were twinkling in the dim firelight.

Magnus rose from his position and picked something up from the table next to him. “I found these,” he said, opening the roll of paper and exposing the plans under it. They were something that was devastatingly familiar, and it brought back memories of Miranda the servant girl, who he and Jem had found ‘dead’ but had turned out to be a machine.

“They’re blueprints for an automaton, infused with a demon’s energy in order to give it a semblance of a life…but they would be completely obedient to their master. De Quincey is up to something, and whatever it is it isn’t good.”

“And it involves me somehow,” whispered Tessa, her eyes downcast and her thoughts swirling.

Magnus shrugged. “I’m not sure how, but yes, it does seem that way.”

“Would you escort me out, Magnus? I think it’s time that I met this De Quincey.”

* * *

 

Jem was in the carriage outside the house, and he was so nervous that he could barely breathe.

He was so worried about Will it was untrue, and his mind was taking him to dark places that he really didn’t want it to go. His hands were physically shaking from the sick feeling he was getting as he thought of Will in the midst of those vampires, of the danger that he was in. He didn’t know what was going on in there, and it was putting him on edge.

The others in the carriage must’ve noticed his nervousness, as Charlotte kept giving him odd looks and the atmosphere had quickly gotten very tense. Silence had fallen upon them after Henry’s half-hearted attempts to make a joke and then say that he was sure that everything would be okay.

They were alerted that there was something doing wrong not by Henry’s invention, but by the flames that had sprung up in the window that they could see from their vantage point. Jem immediately jumped up.

“They’re in danger. We have to go, now.”

He rushed out of the carriage before he could think any further; the only thoughts in his head were _Will, Will, Will._ He vaguely heard Henry from behind him shout, “Jem! Wait, we need to think before we just waltz in.”

He stopped for a second, letting out a long, shuddering breath. He was right, of course, but the knowledge that Will was in there with the flames and the blood suckers was something that was clouding all his logic.

“Our priority is getting Tessa and Will out of there, and that is all. Don’t fight if you can help it. Understand, Jem?”

He nodded, and then he was running, and he was in the luxurious house with his friends behind him. There was a huge clamour coming from the doors in front of him, and when they were opened there was absolute chaos.

There were people everywhere, and a commotion going on at the front, which involved Will with a gun out against a man with long, blond hair and fangs. There were already a few bodies of vampires lying around near the two of them, and Tessa was nearby as Camille, kneeling next to a boy who was beaten and bloody.

Jem saw nothing but Will, the boy he loved, facing off against a vampire. It seemed that he had just shot the fanged man, for he had a bullet wound in his chest, but before Jem knew what was happening, they were tangled up again…and had Will _bitten_ him?

Jem ran forward, slashing with his sword haphazardly at the vampires who approached them, but Tessa got to them first and had already picked up the gun from where Will had dropped it and shot the vampire in the chest again. There was a steely determination in her eyes that Jem couldn’t help but admire.

“We have to go, now,” he said to the pair of them.

“I have to bring my brother,” Tessa replied, gesturing to the boy on the chair behind them and rushing to help the boy.

Will was looking up at him from the floor still. “Jem…” he began, but he was cut off as another man walked up to them. He wasn’t a vampire, but had peculiar eyes, like those of a cat’s. A warlock’s mark? If so, then this was likely to be Magnus Bane, the man who Camille had enlisted to help them.

“If you mundanes want to get out of here alive tonight, I suggest you follow me now,” he said, and Jem was helping Will up, holding his friend and lover by the shoulders whilst shouting to the rest of their companions. It was still absolute pandemonium in the room, and there seemed to be a never ending stream of vampires attacking as they half ran, half stumbled out of there. Magnus was in front of them all, throwing streams of blue fire from his bare hands, which on any other day Jem would’ve admired but all he could think of in that moment was getting himself and Will out of there unscathed.

Jem was out of breath by the time they reached their carriage, and as soon as everyone had piled in they were off, away from that nightmarish party full of blood and death.

Will still had blood around his mouth.

He wanted so badly to hold Will then, to just recover from what had just happened by touching the boy he loved. But he knew that he couldn’t; that even holding his hand would be too obvious in this cramped carriage where everyone could see everything.

Having swiftly introduced himself to the bewildered members of the Institute, Magnus’s first remark regarding Will was, “You’ll be needing a great deal of holy water if you want him to live.”

And then a wave of nausea rolled over Jem, and everything was dark.

* * *

 

Jem awoke in his bed at the Institute to sunlight glaring through his windows, the memories of the previous crashing around in his head.

“Will…” he began, but Will wasn’t there. He didn’t know where Will was, or what had happened after he had fainted, whether he was okay or not. Everything in Jem’s body was begging that he was fine, that he’d walk out of his room to find Will grinning at him.

He got out of bed swiftly, pausing a little before taking some of the _yin fen_ from his silver box. He knew that the reason he had collapsed last night had partially been because he hadn’t taken enough before all that fighting and physical exertion.

There were voices coming from a room down the hall, though it was not Will’s room. Jem instead opened the door to find Tessa’s brother in the bed, awake and seemingly a bit annoyed at the other presences in the room. Tessa was standing beside him talking to Magnus, who Jem was surprised to find was still here.

“Jem,” said Tessa as he opened the door, her voice relieved. “Are you okay? You didn’t look very well in the carriage earlier.”

“I’m fine, I think I just got a tad light-headed.”

Magnus turned to them. “I’m sorry to ask you of this, but could the two of you step outside for a while? It will hurry along the healing process if I do this alone.”

From the bed, Nate’s eyes widened, but he and Tessa departed before they heard his protests at being left alone with Magnus. Jem could see that he distrusted the warlock, despite the fact that he was so clearly only trying to help.

“Will your brother be okay?” he asked once he saw how worried Tessa looked. He was dying to ask about Will, but thought better at it once he saw the expression on her face.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine. Magnus seemed to know what he was doing, and after last night I must admit that I trust him; things would’ve turned out so much worse without him on our side.”

 She still seemed troubled by something, so Jem stayed silent and let her speak. “Magnus said that Nate isn’t like me, isn’t magical or whatever I am. That means he’s not my brother…not really. And if he’s my parents’ child, then whose am I? What kind of monster am I?”

“It doesn’t matter whose daughter you are, Tessa. It’s what your heart contains that matters.” He thought of her fearlessly shooting down De Quincey last night, and his admiration for her only grew. If he hadn’t been so hopelessly in love with Will, Jem knew that Tessa was exactly the kind of woman he’d fall for. “And I am pretty sure that your heart is good and strong, and not a monster at all.”

She smiled at him. “Thanks, Jem. I suppose you came wandering in looking for Will?” He would’ve blushed; was it really that obvious how much he cared about Will?

“He’s going to be okay. Magnus managed to help us source holy water that he has to take to reverse the fact that he bit a vampire and has its blood in his system. He’s been in a foul mood for the last couple of hours that you’ve been out; apparently this holy water isn’t good for his already…unpredictable nature. Apparently he threw a pail at Sophie’s head earlier. And he’s been asking after you almost constantly.”

The fact that Will had been asking about him made Jem feel a little warm inside, and he almost blushed but managed to keep his voice straight and mostly devoid of emotions. “I’ll take him more water, if you tell me where he is. I’m sure that I can convince him to take it.”

And so, Jem found himself at the base of the attic with a bucket of holy water. He ascended the stairs to find Will lying on the wooden floor boards, soaked in a pool of holy water and sweat, his dark hair matted against his forehead.

“Will?” Jem whispered, his voice soft.

Will looked up at him then, his blue eyes piercing Jem’s gaze in the way that made him weak at the knees.

“Jem, Jem you’re here,” he said, and broke out into a smile.

“I wouldn’t smile just yet, I’ve been sent with this,” he said, lifting up the pail slightly.

At that, Will scowled, but his eyes remained bright. “Well then, bring it over here.”

He did, and sat down next to him as well, so close that their knees were touching. Will looked at the water with a curling of his lips. “This stuff is really vile, did you know? I know that I’m not going to be going around biting any more vampires any time soon if I have to go through this again.”

He took some of it and sprinkled it over his forehead, making Jem smile. “I’m sure that’s not what you’re meant to do, Will.”

“And how would you know? It’s not like we have any experience with biting a vampire and holy water.” He was teasing, although technically it was true.

Jem shoved Will lightly, causing him to laugh a little. “I’m glad you’re going to be okay, Will. I was so worried about you last night; you would’ve laughed at the way I was acting.”

Will’s hand, despite being wet with the holy water, reached up to touch Jem’s face, holding his jawline. Jem leaned into the touch, having craved this touch just a few hours earlier.

“I was worried about you too, you know. When you fainted on the way back here, it was so hard to stay calm. I wanted to take you into my arms so much, but I couldn’t.”

“You can now,” he whispered, his arms snaking around Will’s waist. They were so close now that they were sharing breaths, and Jem wasn’t sure who leaned in first but soon they were kissing, their lips moving against each other slowly. The kiss was passionate and heart felt, and full of their mutual want and desire, after the dangerous night that they had just had. They were both shaken up after what they had seen and done, after the things they had witnessed that they could never have imagined a mere few weeks ago.

Their comfort was each other, and this constant feeling of love and friendship that they had always shared and what it had now blossomed into.

Still, Jem would never have thought that one day he would be kissing Will in the attic after a night of fighting vampires, and that the kiss would taste of holy water. Holy water and blood.

They broke apart long enough for Jem to breathe again. “You’ll never cease surprising me with your kisses, James,” he said, making Jem blush a little, and then brought his clammy palms up to his forehead to wipe the sweat away. “Although maybe it’s this damned holy water making me delirious again, but I swear that you improve each time.”

“Maybe it’s just you. Or maybe you’re going mad. I guess we’ll just have to keep on kissing and find out.”

Will laughed at his response. “That was smooth, Carstairs, I’ll give it to you. Anyone would think that you’re trying to imitate me in your flirting.”

Jem cracked a smile. “I did learn from the best.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you flirt with anyone before,” Will frowned.

“That’s because the only person I wanted to flirt with was you,” said Jem, and then leaned forwards and captured Will’s lips in a kiss again in an overflow of confidence. It wasn’t how they usually worked: Will was the confident one, the one who spoke and flirted and sparked discussion, though that discussion wasn’t generally positive. Jem was the quiet best friend, the one who was always there but rarely heard. It was nice to turn it around, to be the outspoken one and to take Will by surprise for once. It felt good, felt right. Maybe it was simply Will who was making him more confident.

The kiss deepened, became more passionate and more frenzied. Jem’s lips and tongue moved slowly against Will’s, biting down softly and eliciting a small noise in the back of the dark-haired boy’s throat.

“Jem…” Will said huskily against his lips, his tone of voice almost strangled, as though he was struggling for words.

This, naturally, on urged Jem on even further. With this new-found confidence brimming in his veins, Jem’s hands snaked under Will’s shirt, which was already untucked from the night before, and found the bare skin of his back, warm and real under Jem’s fingers.

“Jem?” This time the voice did not come from the lips of the boy he was kissing. “Will?”

Tessa stood in the doorway, her eyes wide and her cheeks a little flushed.

“What are you doing?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on [tumblr](http://maychang.co.vu/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/alchemyhowell)


	9. The First Time We Told Someone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm so sorry the wait between these chapters. I'm pretty slow and I like to write more than one thing at once because I'm an idiot, so it ends up being months between my updates. But fear not, as I am not giving up on this story, and it's summer now so hopefully more time to write.  
> I've messed up with the order of things here, as I've included some things that happen in Clockwork Prince, but I don't want this to drag too much but I wanted to include these scenes so yeah.  
> Hope you enjoy, and let me know what you thought

For a moment, there was nothing but stillness and silence. Jem still had his hands under Will’s shirt but he was looking at Tessa, at the shock that was evident in her grey eyes.

After that moment, it was as though they all let out the breath they had been holding, because he and Will quickly sprang away from each other, and there were words flying out of their mouths but Jem wasn’t quite sure what they were saying.

Tessa interrupted their rambling by saying, “Stop.” Despite looking vaguely scandalised and having raging red cheeks, she didn’t seem angry or disgusted, which Jem took to be a good sign. He knew that a relationship between two men was highly frowned upon by the society they lived in, and wouldn’t have been surprised if Tessa had started spewing profanities at them.

Instead, she simply said, “Stop. I don’t want any ridiculous excuses and lies.”

It wasn’t like they could try and hide what they were doing: it was as clear as glass. All that they could do was wait for Tessa to make her opinions known. Jem held his breath as he waited for her to continue.

“I shouldn’t be so shocked, as now that I think about it, it’s perfectly clear that the love you share runs deeper than friendship. The thought never even crossed my mind, but it makes complete sense.” Though her cheeks were still rosy, she seemed calm and accepting, which was a combination Jem wouldn’t have anticipated.

Will raked a hand through his dark hair. “You won’t tell anyone, will you, Tessa? Not everyone will react as nonchalantly as you about this, and though I hate to ask you to keep our secret we would be extremely grateful if you would keep this to yourself.”

She nodded slightly, and Jem could feel both him and Will release some of the tension they had been holding. At least they knew that Tessa would not report them, that they were safe for at least a little longer.

“You have both shown nothing but kindness to me, and I know that I have turned your world upside down and asked you to keep secrets on my behalf. So I am more than willing to keep this one for you. You have my word. I will not judge you based on who you love.”

Jem knew that they were lucky, knew that things could’ve easily gone the other way. He let out a long breath and smiled at Tessa.

He couldn’t help but remark at what on odd and slightly awkward situation they were now in; he and Will were leaning away from each other in a conscious effort, and Tessa awkwardly standing over them, not entirely sure what to do with herself. After a silence that seemed to stretch on for aeons, Tessa excused herself hurriedly and before either of them could respond she was walking down the stairs, leaving him alone with Will once more.

The silence hung in the air for a few more moments, but Jem was the one who shattered it. “I can’t believe that just happened. It feels surreal; someone knows about us.”

Will took his hand, his clammy fingers brushing against the back of Jem’s cool hand. “I am glad that it is Tessa that knows, though. She is trustworthy and a good friend, and also an astoundingly compassionate. I will admit that I am glad that we don’t have to keep secrets from her, despite not knowing her for very long.”

Jem nodded in agreement. He liked Tessa very much, and this had only made him like her more. Also, the idea that someone else knew, and could see how much he adored Will, it made it more real somehow. As though it was not just a fantasy shared between the two boys, but a real, tangible thing that was not invisible to the outside world. Despite that thought being slightly scary, it was also equal parts thrilling.

“As am I.” He looked away from Will for a second, and Will immediately zeroed in on it.

“I know that you’re concerned about others finding out. Honestly, so am I, but not enough to ever cease our relationship. Whilst I will admit that perhaps we need to be very careful, even more so than we were being, I’m never going to stop loving you, Jem, and I never want to stop showing you just how much you mean to me.”

The words flooded Jem with that tingling feeling he got whenever Will admitted that he loved him, and they resonated within him as whilst he was worried about the potential implications of their relationship, he knew he would never be able to give it up.

“Everything is going to be okay, Jem. You’ll see.”

That was when Jem’s heart broke just a little bit, because whilst he desperately wished that everything was going to be okay, he knew that it wasn’t. He was dying, and his descent into death became more rapid every day. The glimmer of hope that magic may save him was slim, and even if it did, he and Will would forever be living a lie to the rest of the world, to their friends even as they continued their secret love affair.

But he quickly banished these thoughts from his mind, and forced a smile at Will, who smiled back. Jem couldn’t tell whether either of them truly believed it.

* * *

 

Tessa wasn’t entirely sure what to make of this development she had discovered between Will and Jem, but looking at the two of them with the knowledge that she now had, it was glaringly obvious that they were in love with each other. In fact, it was almost sickening how much the two boys cared about each other. She knew that if one of them had been a girl, everyone would already be inquiring about a date for their wedding.

As it was though, Will and Jem did their best to be subtle about the whole thing, and managed to pass of as the best of friends to all others. She couldn’t help but give them knowing glances, however, when the two of them excused themselves from the table together. A light blush coloured Jem’s fair complexion, which made Tessa smile a little.

She spent the day with her brother, but Nate was distrusting of the people of the Institute. He had revealed very little about what had happened to him when he had been held by De Quincey, which Tessa understood, but it was nevertheless slightly frustrating. Even though it may be slightly selfish, she wanted to get back at the Magister for what he had done to Nate, and to her.

She knew that the members of the Institute didn’t entirely trust Nathaniel either, but it still stung when she overheard Will arguing with Charlotte about her brother. “He has been uncooperative and unhelpful and quite frankly annoying despite the hospitality shown to him. We need to be more forceful with our questioning; if he has information we need to find out what it is.” Will’s voice was sharp and harsh, and it reminded Tessa that though Will’s eyes became soft when he looked at Jem, he was hard and jagged when it came to anyone else.

Her anger welled up within her, and she burst into the room, unable to hear Will talking down about Nate. The only response that she got from Will was a small sneer. “So, you were eavesdropping?”

“My brother has been through a traumatic experience,” she said hotly. “He will bring forth any information he has regarding De Quincey in his own time.”

Will opened his mouth to respond, but Tessa had already turned away. “Stay away from me and my brother,” she said as she walked out of the door. She was aware of Charlotte and Jem both glaring at Will, but she didn’t care. She had just been beginning to consider Will a friend, particularly after he seemed as though he trusted her with the secret of his relationship with Jem.

She concluded that she would never understand William Herondale.

To her surprise, Jem found her as she sat on the stairs, cooling off. He joined her, pulling his knees towards his chest.

“I’m sorry about him.” Tessa got the feeling this was not the first time that Jem had had to apologise to someone on Will’s behalf. “I know he can be abrasive but I promise that he does mean well. He is simply misguided.”

“How do you put up with him?” Even quieter she added, “How do you love him? He seems insufferable around everyone else, but around you he melts.”

Jem shrugged. “In truth, I couldn’t tell you. Will is complicated, but don’t be put off by that. I can assure you that whilst it sometimes doesn’t seem like it, he does care. He just seems to have a tendency to not show it and to brush people off. Honestly, even I don’t know why he does it.”

Although it was slightly reassuring to know that it wasn’t just her that Will seemed to be confusing towards, she wished that she could see the side of him that Jem saw. It was clear that Jem got through to Will in a way that no one else could.

“Would you like to see one of my favourite places in London?” asked Jem abruptly. “To cheer you up, as I know that you’ve been too busy to see much of our city.”

Tessa smiled, and it was genuine and real. Jem’s kindness was so natural, it wasn’t forced at all. It was rare to find people as utterly selfless as James Carstairs.

“I would love to. Lead the way.”

* * *

 

Jem was out with Tessa, and Will couldn’t ignore the small spark of jealousy that had ignited within him when he had found out.

He knew that it was totally irrational, that Jem was just being kind and trying to be a friend to Tessa after he had been anything but a friend to her, but nevertheless he couldn’t control his surge of jealousy.

The truth was that he was almost unsure of who he was jealous of. Despite wanting to spend every living moment with Jem, he also knew that he could let himself be free and relaxed around Jem. He would never be able to let his guard down around Tessa, to become her friend even though he wanted to, because of his curse. With the words of that blue demon looming over his head he would be limited, he would be perceived as cold and unlovable. And that wasn’t an image that he particularly wanted for himself.

And so, leaving the quiet corridors of the Institute behind him, Will followed the pair out, intent not on enjoying a stroll down Blackfriar’s Bridge, as Will was certain that this was where Jem was taking Tessa, but instead on seeing if there was a way of ridding himself of his dreaded curse.

Magnus’s cat eyes widened when he opened the door to find Will at his doorstep, but this didn’t deter Will. He knew that it was probably a long shot, but he was desperate at this point. Magnus was the only one who could possibly help him removed the curse, so he had to try.

“William Herondale, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Magnus’s voice was smooth, and showed no signs of surprise.

“I’m sorry to bother you, Magnus, but I have a bit of a problem, and you’re the only one who I could think of that can help me.”

Magnus’s eyebrows quirked up. “Right…”

Aware of how stupid that had sounded, Will quickly amended himself. “I mean, you’re the only magical person that I know that might be willing to help.”

Magnus had led them into a drawing room with couches and chair and sat down. Will awkwardly followed him and sat down too, letting out a long breath.

After a little prompting from Magnus, it all came spilling out. About the box in his father’s study, the blue-skinned demon that had emerged from it and ruined his life. About Ella, about his curse. He’d never told anyone before, and it felt odd to say them now.

“So you want me to try and take the curse off you?”

Will nodded, and Magnus sighed. “Unfortunately, it’s not very simple. I can’t just wave my hand and lift the curse. I would have to summon the demon that cursed you as only it can remove the curse, but the tricky part will be finding it. There are thousands of demons out there that could be the one that you encountered.”

He would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel crushed by these words. He’s had hope that had been slowly burning inside him that this would work, that Magnus would be able to fix everything. Even though he knew that it was probably naïve to think like that, he’d still wanted to solve his problems quickly now that he knew that magic existed. But magic, apparently, didn’t always hold all the answers.

“Would you be willing to try, though? Would you be willing to attempt to find this demon? Please, this curse is ruining my life. I can’t bear to live the rest of my life knowing that I’m killing the people who love me, the people I love.” He knew that his words had a hint of desperation laced in them, but he was desperate. Jem was not going to die because of him.

“Ah,” said Magnus, understanding lighting behind his amber eyes. “There’s someone who you want to be able to love freely, someone who you want to love you back. Tell me, is it Tessa? I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Spluttering, Will managed to stutter. “N-no, I’m not in love with Tessa. What makes you think that I’m in love with anyone?” He couldn’t believe that he’d been so obvious, that Magnus had picked up on the fact that part of the reason he was asking him for help was because he was terrified of the curse affecting the person he was in love with.

Magnus smiled knowingly, as if all the pieces of the puzzle had finally fallen into place. “Of course. It’s not Miss Gray that you are in love with. It’s Jem Carstairs.”

At that, Will’s head began to spin. How had Magnus figured it out? He hadn’t even known them very long, and they were careful, weren’t they? And why was he so calm about it all? Even Tessa, who had eventually been relatively okay with their relationship, was shocked when she had first discovered it.

“N-no, that’s not…I—I—what?”

Acutely aware of his face burning and of the fact that he had become a stuttering mess, Will wanted nothing more than for the floor to envelop him. He knew that his reaction must’ve done nothing but confirm Magnus’s suspicions, because the warlock let out a laugh.

“It’s okay, Will. I’m not going to judge you for loving someone of the same gender; that would be highly hypocritical of me. I think it’s actually quite adorable, the way you and Jem so clearly care for each other.”

Will paused for a minute. “What do you mean, ‘highly hypocritical’?”

Shrugging, Magnus said, “Over the years, I’ve had relationships with men as well as women. Although society does not yet accept it, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong, or that you need to be ashamed of it.”

Will hadn’t expected Magnus’s response, but hearing it sent a wave of comfort washing over him. Two people knew about him and Jem now, and they had both been accepting of them. Even if not everyone may react like this, it was good to know that he did have people who he could trust as well as Jem.

That fact made him want to get rid of this curse even more, as much as he wanted to be free to love Jem and have Jem love him back without constantly fearing that he was cutting short Jem’s already limited life span, he also wanted to have real friends, like Tessa and Magnus, who could actually care about him rather than being stuck as awkward acquaintances.

“I wish that we didn’t have to hide, though. I wish that I could’ve told you without feeling like you were going to judge me.”

“It’s sad, truly, that people can’t accept love just because it is between two men, or two women. It is one of the saddest things about the world we live in.”

Will looked straight into Magnus’s amber eyes, no longer feeling unnerved by the inhuman quality of them. “You understand, then, why I am desperate to be rid of this curse. I love Jem more than I thought possible, and I know that he loves me too. His years left in this world are already cut short, by the drug _yin fen_ which he was tortured with and is addicted to, but is killing him. I want to give him the best and longest life possible, and I won’t be able to live with myself if I know that I let him die earlier than he was already going to because I was selfish and let him get close to me.”

Their eye contact didn’t break. “Let me guess, you also wish that I will help you to find a magical cure for him too, and then you can live out the many years together?” Will couldn’t determine what Magnus’s words or tone truly meant, whether he was being sarcastic or not. But he was not going to stand down.

“I love him, Magnus. I would do anything to give him the life he deserves. I’ll give you anything, but please, help me to save him. If anyone deserves to suffer, it is me, not him.”

Magnus’s cracked into a smile, and Will knew that he had said the right words. He let out an internal sigh of relief, and hoped that Magnus would be willing to help.

“You’re certainly determined, Will. It is glaringly obvious that you are doing this for him, that you love him more than you love yourself. And I must admit that I admire that. It’s no secret that I’m intrigued with you, with all of you. And I want to help you as much as I can, but I’m afraid that I can’t heal Jem. _Yin fen_ is actually a drug that has some magical properties, and none of my spells will be able to heal him.”

He had to admit that it was a blow. He had been hoping that maybe magic would be the cure to all of their problems, that somehow Magnus would click his fingers and everything would be okay. And he knew that Jem had been hoping too, and that broke Will’s heart even more, because he would have to tell Jem that despite such fantastical things existing, there was still no cure for the drug that was killing him.

This hurt must’ve shown in his eyes, because Magnus picked up on it and said, “I’m sorry, Will, I truly am. But, even though it will be hard as I said before, I am willing to try to help you find the demon that cursed you, so that you can remove your own affliction.”

It was a start.

And any steps mattered, because Jem deserved to live the best and longest life that he could, and Will would do anything to ensure that happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://maychang.co.vu/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/alchemyhowell)


End file.
